Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Ate Toilet Paper To Try And Avoid Getting A DUI?
IOWA CITY, IA (CBS 2/FOX 28) – Iowa City police say a Conesville man tried to avoid DUI charges using an unusual method. 39-year-old Ross McDonald was pulled over early Sunday morning after he was spotted going the wrong way on Market Street. Officers say McDonald was extremely confused and didn’t know why he was getting pulled over or where he was coming from. McDonald admitted to officers that he had consumed two drinks. During his arrest, Officers say McDonald was wearing a costume that featured male genitalia and that he tried to consume toilet paper, believing it would throw off a breathalyzer test. McDonald would later fail the breathalyzer test and was charged with driving under the influence.
Sorry bud. By the time he came up with this genius plan it was already too late. Toilet paper isn’t gonna do shit (puns) to throw off the breathalyzer. I appreciate the creativity but as soon as those cherries and berries started flashing no amount of Charmin munching was gonna get him outta that jam. This is like when you’re hungover as fuck and everybody in the room has a different stupid method for curing hangovers. One guy says eat a loaf a bread. Another guy says drink a 2 liter of Mt. Dew. Another guy says order $30 worth of Chinese food (this would be me). One fucking asshole always says go for a jog. And the last guy says get into a meat freezer, stand on your head, rub your belly and vomit. Everybody has their own ritual. The dirty little secret of course is there is no magic hangover cure. There just isn’t. It’s too late. You’re hungover. The only cure is time. And naps to make the time go by faster. That’s it. Same goes for the guy who got the DUI. His only saving grace would’ve been if it took the cops 12 hours to get to his car. The only thing eating toilet paper is gonna do is make it a funnier story for the papers.
This part of the article deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. Not sure which HOF but it deserves to be in one
During his arrest, Officers say McDonald was wearing a costume that featured male genitalia and that he tried to consume toilet paper, believing it would throw off a breathalyzer test.