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This Hot Girl's Straightforward Tinder Bio Is A Million Times Better Than Some Girl Stealing A Cornball Joke

LAB-maybelead

 

I’ve railed on girls stealing and reusing the same bios over and over again so I won’t beat that dead horse right now. But I like this bio even more because it’s the same way a hot chick would be in real life. You see Danni out at a bar, she’s not reciting Jon Lajoie jokes or pretending like she wants anal. She’s there, legitimately hot, and that’s all that matters. She doesn’t need to do any more. Just because we’re on Tinder doesn’t mean we need to throw out the basic rules of society. Hot chicks can get away with the bare minimum in every aspect of life and that’s how I like it. Don’t be a hero out there ladies. (via LAB)

 

And before we get into the meat of the blog, I figured I’d share this email I tweeted out today from a girl requesting to be taken off the Tinder blog since people find these amusing. Context: She asked to be taken down because her bio had her Instagram handle and said, and I quote, “Follow me on Instagram and I’ll suck your dick”:

 

 

I’ve mentioned it before but I typically take pics down after the fact if asked because I don’t intend for this to be a mean blog — and all the more reason to check out the blog the second it goes up — but girls still ALWAYS send these vaguely threatening emails that have no basis in reality and it blows my mind. Is this how people think lawyers talk? You can’t just say words, throw in extra commas, sprinkle in random terms you heard on Law and Order and wham you get what you want. And it can’t POSSIBLY be slander (or, more accurately, libel) for me posting a thing a girl herself said and put up online. Oh and it’s never their fault, always some friend doing it. Like come on how about a little more personal accountability, a little less fake legal jargon. I don’t know why I expect better, but I do.

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And with that, onto the actual Tinder screenshots. Send me yours on Twitter (DMs are open and preferred) and let’s commence with the large sums of lawsuits!

 

 

mv-dontblamehim

I don’t know that this is the right way to handle your daughter on Tinder but I don’t blame this dad one bit (via MV)

 

 

 

CR-atlantatinderbros

Atlanta Tinder bro or potential new Barstool blogger? (via CR)

 

 

 

 

 

JT1

JT2

If my 17-year-old daughter did this and I found out, I would be grateful to not be alive to see her go to college (via JT)

 

 

mlb

(via MLB)

 

 

dancingrick-letmebreathealy

Hopefully the guy she meets off Tinder isn’t lactose intolerant with all that pizza (via Dancing Rick)

 

 

ajc-weirdopenerlady

Girls: Literally the worst at openers (via AJC)

 

 

fireescape-heyyouthinkthischicklikesemotionalguys

This is definitely the type of chick who’d call you gay insults during sex if your stroke game is weak (via Fire Escape)

 

 

DW-putthischickinamarksanchezjerseyandtattooheronnowfootlovers

Put this chick in a Mark Sanchez jersey and tattoo her on your arm now, foot lovers (via DW)

 

 

 

 

MG-1

MG-2

I don’t know why but a chick in an open relationship with this “You’re the asshole if you try to tell my husband” attitude DEFINITELY seems like the kind of chick who’d be legitimately good enough at pool to be a pool shark (via MG)

 

 

 

TM-yeahbuttits

Hmm dick sliced off and fed to birds…or great tits. Dick sliced off and fed to bird. Tits. Tough call here, still swiping right to be safe (via TM)

 

 

LAB-vicious

Speaking of Always Sunny, here’s not-so-Sweet Dee (via LAB)

 

 

MC-insertJJwattheadbobvine

 

In honor of this girl’s bio, I needed that JJ Watt rapping to Fort Minor on Hard Knocks video REAL bad here but I guess it no longer exists on Vine? Ruined my week tbh (via MC)

 

 

 

jg-longwaytogo

That seems like an awfully long, abstract, and messy route for one to get to a heart but sure (via JG)

 

 

 

T-decisionreallydependsonifitschamomilleorgreentea

The decision here comes down to one question: We talking chamomile or earl grey? (via T)

 

 

MM

(via MM)

 

 

GK-1

GK-2

I’ve said before I find it weird when couples have a normal pic when looking for threesomes on Tinder so I respect this couple for aggressively showing both sides (via GK)

 

 

tm

Okay there’s a lot going on here but seriously why does this kid have an old man face in the top right photo but have a little Florida fuckboy ear piercing in the others? Very confusing (via TM)

 

 

 

 

TF-cantarguethere

Can’t argue here (via TF)

 

 

 

EF-idontmeantospeakoutofturnbutemmaisasociopath

I don’t mean to speak out of turn but this girl is a complete sociopath for doing this and probably should be in jail for posting it. RIP Thumper (via EF)

 

 

 

CC-blackgirlconfidence

If I could buy bottles of black girl confidence at the supermarket, I would (via CC)

 

 

 

 

LAB

Leave it to a hot radiology major to also be witty (via LAB)

 

 

heidi-competitionfortheweek

Your competition for the week is a weird dude but honestly he’s dead right about gummy vitamins, they’re delicious (via Heidi)

 

 

AB1-updateonneveah

AB2-updateonneveah

Update on “Not your average good girl” from a Tinder blog a few weeks back, I guess we’re doing pills now? Also not gonna lie I had to check what blues are on Urban Dictionary and I like where this girl’s head is at (via Neveah)

 

 

barstoolnate-woopwoop

A Juggalo chick is probably the type who’d think those Valentine’s Day dinners at White Castle are legitimately classy and super romantic (via Barstool Nate)

 

 

 

b-howonegetsthenamemeatslop

The main question I want to know but definitely don’t actually want to know: How does a girl get the nickname Meatslop? (via B)

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tc-iwouldsupportthisbutnewsitehasbeenupfor7months

I would support this but the new Barstool site has been up for 7 months now and that’s clearly our old layout, stop living in the past Nana (via TC)

 

 

jc-thinlinebetweenwackychickandneonazi

Apparently it’s a thin line between “wacky chick” and “neo-Nazi” (via JC)

 

 

 

JG-possiblyexpecting

Well if anyone were worth a “possibly expecting” roll of the dice, I’m sure this is the girl (via JG)

 

 

CJ

The thigh tattoo is a good start (via CJ)

 

 

kavy

First of all: Holy shit. Second of all: GILF city. (via Kavy)

 

 

CM1-dallastinder

CM2-dallastinder

Dallas Tinder must have very low standards for which girls are bots (via CM)

 

 

MC-denmarktinder1

MC-denmarktinder2

It’s nice to know girls like this exist even in a country I’d assume was 99% tall thin hot blondes like Denmark (via MC)

 

 

 

rh

Can’t say I’m attracted to the look but you’re a fool if you wouldn’t swipe right to learn some tips on getting on the fast track to Swole City (via RH)

 

kp-chicksdothistobuildupinstagramfollowersright

Chicks do this just to build up Instagram followers right? (via KP)

 

 

job-1

JOB-2

See like is she just getting Instagram followers or should I be in love here? This is unfair (via JOB)

 

 

 

ry-howyouwakeupinabathtubmissingakidney

This is 100% how you and a friend wake up in a bathtub full of ice with a missing kidney (via RY)

 

 

 

 

CR

I realize I’ve heavied up on black girls in this blog but Splenda daddy is hilarious (via CR)

 

 

 

zd-biggirlconfidencestrong

The big girl confidence is strong here, justified or not (via ZD)

 

 

s-cleveranalogy

(via S)

 

 

rp-withanamelikelolitayoumustbeadvanced

With a name like Lolita you’ve got to be pretty confident sexually I guess (via RP)

 

 

 

TB

Women should reclaim the kitchen like rappers reclaimed the n-word, so empowering (via TB)

 

 

cara-louisnixwascelebratingthedallaswinbeforeithappened

Looks like Giants DT Louis Nix was celebrating the Dallas win before it even happened Screen Shot 2015-10-30 at 1.09.37 PM(via Cara)

 

 

 

dh1

dh2-

This is just a hilarious big girl bio, well done by her (via DH)

 

 

 

JMP

That awkward moment when you can’t tell if a girl is a stripper or if she just has a black girl name (via JMP)

 

 

And onto the hot and maybe a bit NSFWish ones

 

c-thighgame100

Unrelated: Tinder is sponsoring a Vegas $10,000 bikini contest hosted by Dan Bilzerian and I’d bet GOOD money chicks like this will swarm the place looking for five minutes of Instagram fame (via C)

 

DCF-NEEDSBLUR

(via DCF)

 

 

RM

I’m happy for us as a society for having 20% of our doctors be proud gay men (via RM)

 

 

KB

Pass on the tats, co-sign on everything else (via KB)

 

 

KP

Like I said in the lead, even with that shitty bio I feel like I got enough pertinent info just from the photo (via KP)

 

 

AK

(via AK)

 

turtle

(via Turtle)

 

 

starlord

(via Starlord)

 

 

LAB-patsfansmayfindthishotmoresoforedelmanjersey

Pats fans are probably more into the Edelman jersey but hey, different strokes for different folks (via LAB)

 

 

greg-likethemovebutdontyouneedabetterasstoputthisoutthere

I like the move but honestly don’t you need a better or at least bigger ass than this to put something this aggressive out there? (via Greg)

 

 

 

DL-NEEDSBLUR

(via DL)

 

CM-NEEDSBLUR

(via CM)

 

 

M-NEEDSBLUR

You think those are the panties her mother laid out for her? (via M)

 

 

 

 

And this week’s NSFW cherries on top are kinda all over the place but I found each one interesting in their own way. Thanks to everyone who sent something in (besides poorly written legal threats), send me yours on Twitter, and happy swiping!

 
 

CHECK OUT PREVIOUS TINDER ROUNDUPS HERE