You Have To Be INSANE Not To Take 1,000 Napkins When You Go To Chipotle

Do I know guac is extra? I certainly do. Do they know I’m taking 1,000 napkins on the way out? They absolutely do as well. It’s the Chipotle trade off. I’ve never been to Chipotle and not taken a handful of napkins and shoved them in the bag. I think it’s actually impossible not to at this point. Pavlov’s dog type thing. Sometimes I’ll ever grab a handful of forks, just because. I don’t even know why. Sweet n Lows too. They’re just there so sometimes your caveman instincts take over and you have a goodie bag of cutlery and fake sugars that will certainly give you a heart acctack. It’s part of the deal sometimes. Does it make me a thief? I didn’t think so, until I read this today:

WTOV - Two women who are wanted for stealing toilet paper from a McDonald’s in Follansbee on Saturday. Police say the two women broke several toilet paper dispensers in order to commit the crime. Investigators say the two women were in the white car with Ohio plates.

We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy! That’s incredible stuff right there. Taking toilet paper from a McDonalds is so top level I didn’t even know it existed. It’s like this story Jay Z told when he thought he was getting the best of the best at a hotel he’s been going to for years, and then he went to the hotel with the Nets Russian owner, and there was an even BETTER room than what Jay Z was getting. There’s always another level, and today I learned that my drawer full of napkins ain’t shit.