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Hatem Bridge Becoming First Bridge in Maryland to Eliminate all Cash Tolls

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Sun – After facing a toll hike and the retirement of the old decal system, some users of the Thomas J. Hatem Memorial Bridge between Harford and Cecil counties might get another rude awakening: No more cash tolls and no more toll booths as those crossing the Susquehanna River via Route 40 have long known them. The bridge’s toll plaza will be the first to have its cash tolls eliminated by the Maryland Transportation Authority and replaced with electronic tolling sometime next year, MDTA announced. Hatem Bridge was selected because more than 90 percent of the drivers who pass over it now use E-ZPass instead of cash, the highest percentage of any MDTA toll plazas, spokeswoman Rachel Freeberger explained.

Thank goodness. I’ve been championing this cause for years. Less interaction with poor people, the better is one of my main causes in life. Need a colorful bracelet for it. Toll booths and their dirty nailed workers are holding us back as a nation. Pretty much any time you need to have a social interaction with a poor, in this case a toll booth worker, your life gets substantially worse. You might be thinking, “Nate, if we keep toll booths, since you use an EZ Pass you get to be better than the poor idiotic souls who still pay with cash”. And I say nay, I am better than those people no matter what, but now we have eliminated the entire species of toll booth workers for the good of the country. That’s one giant leap for man kind.

I can’t think of one time when having to communicate with a human being is the best option. I can’t tell you the last time I set foot in a bank. I drive an extra couple of miles to go to a further away Subway sandwiches because they have a touch screen to place your order. Don’t have to talk to any minimum wage poor and point at the toppings and then be like “no not pickles, ON-IONNNNNS”.

PS: If you have the EZ Pass stuck to your windshield, you’re about as insane as someone who doesn’t have an EZ Pass at all. You shakily hold that motherfucker up with your right hand as you drive through and then spend the next 20 minutes wondering if it worked. Any other way to do it is simply irrational.