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Quick Update: Jaden Smith Is Still A Pretentious Asshole

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GQ- Jaden Smith has a game he likes to play whenever he’s in public, or whenever he’s stating something that will eventually become public—such as right now—and the game goes like this. It starts with him saying something Jaden-like. For example: “Me and my sister started this initiative called Mystery School. It dates back to like ancient Egypt, ancient Greece—like Plato, Pythagoras, all these students had mystery schools. And what they learned in there was sacred. They would learn the math and sciences of that generation, and then they would build the cities and give that energy and that knowledge to the other people. And a lot of stuff they would keep really, really to themselves. Like, you couldn’t say the word dodecahedron, which is just a shape, outside of one of the mystery schools or they would, like, kill you or whatever. Because it was such a sacred shape.”




This is gonna shock you. But Jaden Smith is still the fucking asshole. He’s not “a” fucking asshole he’s “the” fucking asshole.  He’s who we should judge all other fucking assholes up against from here on out. He did a new interview with GQ and it’s the most pretentious interview you’ll ever read. If this kid didn’t have rich, awesome parents (I will forever love Will Smith. No entitled prick of a son will take that away from me. Will and I have too much history) he’d be just some punk kid who gets beaten up  daily for saying stupid shit.


Some lowlights from the interview


“Me and Willow are scientists,” he explains, “so everything for us is a scientific test upon humanity. And luckily we’re put in a position where we can affect large groups of human beings at one time.” Fame is their lab, is what he’s saying, and we are the subjects. He’ll get on Twitter and tweet something like “The Biggest Flex Anyone Will Ever Have Is Dying.” Or the T Magazine interview they did last year, the one that left everyone convinced they were drunk on prana energy: “That experiment—it went really, really well,” he tells me. “We got to see how people reacted. And they actually ended up reacting exactly as we predicted beforehand that they would react.”


Hey Jaden, you’re not a scientist. You’re a kid with a lot of Twitter followers who tweets out nonsense. That’s not an experiment. That’s, once again, being an asshole. There’s also the chance that he’s simply not clever enough to think of any good tweets so he goes the abstract route. Abstract AKA I Have Had Everything Handed To Me So I Don’t Have Any Real Life Experiences And Can’t Relate To Anyone.  Wait, that’s exactly what’s happening. Glad we solved that.



At least he’s humble. The single best trait a person can have is self awareness


He gives a sly smile. “It’s fun, bro. That’s what a lot of people don’t realize. It’s fun. It’s so much fun. It’s the best thing. People think you’re crazy—I feel like it’s an honor, actually, for people to think I’m crazy. Because they thought Galileo was crazy, too, you know what I’m saying? I don’t think I’m as revolutionary as Galileo……..


Just kidding


………but I don’t think I’m not as revolutionary as Galileo.”


He’s a builder


He’s making things, constantly. “Like, the clothes I’m wearing right now, done it on my own. I built my own bed, I built my own closet, um, I built two closets, I built four beds, I built, um, one pyramid—”


Hey you know who else makes their own clothes and builds their own beds?  Homeless people, Jaden. Homeless people do that. You’re basically a homeless person with a billion dollar backing which makes you a fraud. Quite possibly the biggest fraud in the world actually. Tough to be anything worse than a pretentious fraud. Which is why Jaden Smith is the fucking asshole to end all fucking assholes.


This was the highlight of the interview though


Do you think about where you’ll be ten years from now?



“Yeah. Gone.”

What does that mean, “Gone”?

“No one will know where I am in ten years. They’ll see me pop up, but they’ll be like, ‘Where’d you come from?’ No one will know. No one will know where I’m at. No one will know who I’m with. No one will know what I’m doing. I’ve been planning that since I was like 13.”


HALLELUJAH!  Any way we can move that to, like, tomorrow, Jaden? I’ll drop everything and help you. Leave tomorrow and never ever enter the public ever again. I hear the Middle East is beautiful this time of year.


PS- I gotta admit. I mostly skimmed the interview because whenever I would stop and start really reading it would make me angry. I’m sure theres even worse stuff in there that I didn’t see. The kid isn’t crazy. He isn’t a lunatic. He isn’t some mastermind child who has such deep thoughts that no one understands him. He’s a normal, non-extraordinary kid born into an extraordinary situation with no smarts and no experiences who makes up stupid shit to sound like a crazy mastermind.  End of story. I hate this kid so much.