Breaking News: Barry Zito Retired From The Game Of Baseball. Like, Today.

Look, I liked Zito so I don’t really mean to pile on here, but did Barry Zito really just write a piece in the Player’s Tribune announcing his retirement from baseball? Seriously? I know he pitched for the A’s at the end of the season but I thought that was just a cute little thing they set up so he could face his old friend, Tim Hudson, in a game that didn’t matter. I didn’t realize he was actually getting a paycheck for that game.

Baseball Reference has Zito’s last game pitched in 2013. Before that the last thing I remember him for is getting a humongous contract then sucking for the Giants (save for, if my memory serves me correctly, a brief comeback to relevance). If you’d asked me where Barry Zito was I absolutely would have said at a beach, sitting on a yoga mat made of money, playing guitar, and wearing a knit winter hat. You wouldn’t have even had to give me a multiple choice, open-ended and that still would’ve been the answer.

But now he’s walking away from the game that walked away from him 2 years ago (more like 7 years ago if we’re being totally honest. But, two technically)? You can retroactively do that? Great. I’m leaving my job landscaping that I got fired from. Elementary school girlfriend Vanessa who dumped me? Guess what, we’re done. Finished. Every game of Knockout that I ever lost? I didn’t get beat, I QUIT (in 2015)! Same goes for the sports of hockey, baseball, basketball, football, soccer, as well as playing the recorder and violin, and learning the Spanish language. I’m walking away from it all. My choice. I had fun, but it’s time to call it a career.