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This Tinder Girl's Profile Is Like A Swipe Right/Swipe Left Version Of Sophie's Choice

joy

 

At first I looked at this and assumed it had to be the girl on the right because that’s such an obvious sneaky funny but super mean thing for a hot girl to do. But then I thought about it…why wouldn’t a girl like the chick on the left try this? What’s the worst that happens? Some desperate guy swipes right thinking it’s the hot chick because of course that’s what you’d think, he agrees to meet up, gets there, she’s not great looking but probably pretty funny because she seems like fun in that picture. A few beers, all of a sudden they’re in bed and who knows what happened? If you were a big girl, doesn’t that sound a billion times better than waiting for last call or looking for dudes with weird feeder fetishes who are into fucking a girl’s belly flaps? Of course it does. Gotta consider every angle on Tinder. (via RZ)

 

And o m g it’s another week in Barstool’s Tinder blog. This is the last blog I’m doing before taking a few days off — I’m going on vacation for my birthday and scheduled the trip around the Tinder blogs, kill me now — so I’m going to leave it all on the field here. Thanks to everyone who sent stuff in, follow me on Twitter and slide into my DMs with your screenshots, and let’s make with the laughing at weirdos trying to bone.

 

 

 

pinocchiotext-RJ

Another solid reply to last week’s Pinocchio text chick (via RJ)

 

 

 

reply

And guess what everyone who assumed that was a bot, some dude got a number from her somehow. Congrats to this dude for being the big winner (via GDW)

 

 

CR-theharbaugheffect

Does the Harbaugh Effect apply to Tinder matches too? (via CR)

 

 

b-thatisaveryspecificnumberofdicks

That is a very specific number of dicks to know you’d still have self-respect. Does it all fall apart at 3,001? (via B)

 

 

RB

This chick would hate every single one of us on Barstool I’m sure but I’d sure love to get tips on eating box from her. I bet she’s a beast in the sack (via RB)

 

 

josh-whitegirljacque

I really try not to be mean here and maybe this isn’t mean but this is PRECISELY what I’d imagine a white girl named Jacqué would look like (via Josh)

 

 

 

GS-suchabarstoolgirlyouvegottaloveit

Such a Barstool girl, you’ve gotta love it (via GS)

 

 

 

CHLOE1-Chris

Find a girl named Chloe on Tinder and there’s 1 million percent chance this is her bio (via Chris)

 

 

 

 

DO-dixiedays

Dixie Days Episode Nine (via DO)

 

 

 

 

 

tip-classicutahhavingamrsutah

Classic Utah having a “Mrs. Utah” instead of a Ms Utah (via TIP)

 

 

 

 

cm-lottodigestherebutmostlywhatarerapistglasses

There’s a lot to digest there but mostly I need to know what are rapist glasses? (via CM)

 

 

 

RZ-doihavetojoinjoeyfatone

My main question: If we hook up does Joey Fatone have to be present? (via RZ)

 

 

 

 

tom-hmm34d

Hmm…I’m going with 34D, leave your guesses in the comments (via Tom)

 

 

 

ken-tinderblogisaserviceblog

The Tinder blog is a service blog after all. If this gets Ken laid, I’m just happy to help (via Ken)

 

 

 

Snax-nowaythisgirldoesnthissatthesunwhenoutdoors

No way this girl doesn’t hiss at the sun when she’s outdoors (via Snax)

 

 

 

LAB-latexallergiesarenojoke

Fun fact: Some girls are actually allergic to regular latex condoms and you have to use ones made of polyurethane if they are (via LAB)

 

 

 

hatersupreme-whenyourcatladygamesostrongshecantevenlookatyouanymore

When your cat lady game’s so strong your cat can’t even look you in the eyes any more (via Hater Supreme)

 

Britt-gottabeatleastsixfigures

Not trying to be a hardo here but if you’re posting a bank statement as your profile pic on Tinder, you’ve got to AT LEAST be in the six figures. Seven figures if you live in NYC or San Francisco (via Britt)

 

 

 

TJ-perksorpercs

Wait am I getting benefits or Percocets here? Either way, sure why not this seems like a great idea (via TJ)

 

 

 

angelo-betterthanfuckingmydad

Still better than all the girls threatening to fuck our dads (via Angelo)

 

 

 

turtle

Normally I’d assume this is a joke but she does seem like the type of girl who’d lose her virginity in between two dumpsters (via Turtle)

 

 

te-irememberwheniwasa18andhaddumbdreams

I remember when I was 18 and had dumb dreams (via TE)

 

 

 

MP-1-lotofcomplicatedthoughtsfor18

MP-2

That is a lot of complicated thoughts for an 18-year-old (via MP)

 

 

 

JK

(via JK)

 

 

c-notsurewhethertobesadorapplaudher

I’m not sure whether to be sad or applaud her honesty (via C)

 

 

 

MF

Solid joke, unnecessary second line, C+ overall (via MF)

 

 

 

PD-competitionfortheweekhasherpes

Your competition for the week isn’t much competition assuming you don’t have herpes too (via PD)

 

 

 

 

 

j-weirderbecauseitsanormalphoto

This request is 1,000 times weirder because it’s such a completely normal photo (via J)

 

 

 

BS

Y’all motherfuckers love fishing huh (via BS)

 

 

 

 

tb-namethatquotejonlajoie

Quiz time: Name that borrowed quote! Answer at the end (via TB)

 

 

 

JC-mudbathorblackface

So is this a mud bath or black face? Pretty important to differentiate between those two(via JC)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ap-1

ap-2

Rachelle wins the first ever Barstool Prize in Science for that first sentence  (via AP)

 

 

 

jr-prayforthegirlswholooklikebots

Pray for the poor pretty girls who look like bots, they need love too (via JR)

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kev

Deep dick thoughts (via Kev)

 

 

 

BM-disabledfunnygirlsalwaysafave

Funny disabled girls, always a personal fave of mine (via BM)

 

 

 

TW-gottacardthisonepreblowjob

This is exactly why I hire a bar ID checker to stand outside my bedroom door (via TW)

 

 

 

P-wealthy60yearoldsallovertinderimsure

Ah yes, wealthy 60-year-olds are all over Tinder I’m sure (via P)

 

 

 

TJ-notsureifthisisactuallyapositive

Aka I am of no use when I turn 34 (via TJ)

 

 

 

 

 

 

NB-1

NB-2

On the one hand, Rebecca seems insanely high maintenance. On the other, legs. But the emoji game is so strong (via NB)

 

 

 

tom-isthereanotherwaytotusetinder

Apparently Taylor missed the memo on girls and fart jokes (via Tom)

 

 

 

 

PF-chinblendingintoboobs

Cuck life begins young when you’ve got type 8 diabetes (via PF)

 

 

 

 

jc-onlyamatteroftimebeforegirlsshowedyouwhatsinsidethem

It was only a matter of time before girls decided to cut to the chase and preemptively just show you what’s inside of them too (via JC)

 

 

 

rp-1

rp-2

Hmm. Story checks out. (via RP)

 

 

 

bestfriends

Your weekly reminder that you’d titty fuck a tranny. Also: Aside, I got got real good by a transgendered chick last week and I don’t mean to be rude but I think they should be jailed and forced to do community service if they don’t put “trans” or at least “t-girl” in a bio, fair is fair (via Bestfriends)

 

 

mf

Have I got the man for Ashley:

 

large

 

(via MF)

 

 

 

JK-knowyourlimitations

Knowing your limitations is a success in itself (via JK)

 

 

Kelsey-1actual

 

image2

I don’t often say this and I mean it even less regularly but jesus fucking christ do I hate this guy (via Kelsey)

 

 

NDR

Poor mom, doesn’t even know her daughter is the weird one. For the warm Natty Light I mean, not the anal beads (via NDR)

 

 

 

DM-NEEDSBLUR

When you marry her I bet Charmander evolves into Charizard real fast (via DM)

 
And onto the hot and perhaps a bit NSFW ones!

 

 

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-16 at 4.03.07 PM

 

This girl was in one of the first Tinder blogs and, since we take so much from the hot girls of Tinder, help her out and donate a buck to her sorority fundraiser with proceeds going to cancer research. In return, her tits are all over her Instagram. Enjoy

 

 

JBP

Not gonna lie, the amount of tits made that first joke significantly funnier (via JBP)

 

 

CR

Between her and Kylie Jenner, I’m starting to buy in on the silver hair look (via CR)

 

 

nate-soempowered

(via Nate)

 

 

 

TM-ifeelthesamewayaboutgirls

Funny I feel the same way about every single girl I’ve ever met (also I may have posted this girl with that exact same joke before but honestly, tits) (via TM)

 

 

 

RZ

Colombian booty, always a great success (via RZ)

 

 

CGP

Well as long as you’re Facebook certified (via CGP)

 

 

jg

Is the pic sexy enough to balance out the bio? Find out in the comments below! (via JG)

 

 

 

DH

if there’s one thing better than seeing a chick’s nipples, it’s seeing her tastefully cover them with Old Glory (via DH)

 

 

MD-NEEDSBLUR

There’s at least a 10% chance the husband just stole her phone and tied her up then posted this (via MD)

 

 

29-NEEDSBLUR

(via 29)

 

 

 

TS-NEEDSBLUR

Who knew before Tinder that there was such a correlation between Halloween and chicks posting tits? What a world (via TS)

 

And your answer to the quiz above, the quote is from “Show Me Your Genitals,” the first viral success of Jon LaJoie (aka Taco from The League), arguably one of my favorite Intenet videos ever. And it’s also so applicable for Tinder so let’s close out with that. Here’s the NSFW cherries on top, send me your Tinder screenshots on Twitter, and happy swiping!

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