South Dakota Reminds You Not To Jerk It And Drive

Fox DC - Officials for the state of South Dakota have removed a “Don’t Jerk and Drive” safety campaign after complaints about the sexual overtones of the message. The campaign, created by the state’s Department of Public Safety, was meant to ask drivers not to overcorrect, or jerk, steering wheels while driving on icy and snowy roads. But officials opted to kill the campaign after multiple complaints that the phrase wasn’t appropriate. “This is an important safety message and I don’t want this innuendo to distract from our goal to save lives on the road,” said DPS secretary Trevor Jones.

Let’s make no mistake about it, they knew what they were doing here. Jerking off behind the wheel is a real thing, folks. We all have jerked off in weird places. Don’t get on your high horse now. You came to this blog, you sleep in that bed. You know you’ve jerked off in some places that make you rethink your life. In the mini van during that family vacation to Florida? Check. Sleeping bag in the backseat ftw. Grandma’s shower? Check. When you’re 13 that thing is literally going off every 3 minutes, you do what you have to do. Driving home from your high school girlfriend’s house? Check. Hey, not my fault they give you that provisional license when you have to be home by midnight. Every so often her parents would stay up so the dry humping wouldn’t start until much later, next thing you know it’s 11:55 and you’re tucking your boner into your waistband and speeding home, but you gotta finish what you started. That’s why you keep the fast food napkins in the center console. A tradition as old as time itself.