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I Guess I'm A Doctor Because The Penguins Aren't Letting Sidney Crosby Play Because He Definitely Has The Mumps

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Well what do you know, Crosby has the mumps just like I said he did. He didn’t just start growing a second head out of nowhere after all. Startling, really. This makes Crosby one of the biggest assholes on the planet. He went to practice, shared a locker room, all that, full knowing he had the mumps. I wonder if he’s working as a spy for the Koreans or something, trying to infect us all with mumps? Just saying it’s a possibility.