I Guess I'm A Doctor Because The Penguins Aren't Letting Sidney Crosby Play Because He Definitely Has The Mumps

After cameras were turned off, Sidney Crosby noted that if had the mumps he would not be at the arena getting ready to play. #Penguins

— Shelly Anderson (@_ShellyAnderson) December 12, 2014

Sidney Crosby to miss the next two games as a precautionary measure, the #Penguins announced: http://t.co/PqlvmiChp5 pic.twitter.com/wztT2f1JMh

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) December 12, 2014

Well what do you know, Crosby has the mumps just like I said he did. He didn’t just start growing a second head out of nowhere after all. Startling, really. This makes Crosby one of the biggest assholes on the planet. He went to practice, shared a locker room, all that, full knowing he had the mumps. I wonder if he’s working as a spy for the Koreans or something, trying to infect us all with mumps? Just saying it’s a possibility.