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Jets Shipped 350 Rolls of Toilet Paper To London For This Week's Game


FLORHAM PARK, N.J. –- The New York Jets are not messing around when it comes to trying to make this trip to London as comfortable as humanly possible. Among the more than 5,000 items the Jets sent to London for their game against the Miami Dolphins were 350 rolls of toilet paper according to The New York Times. The franchise that brought us the “Butt Fumble” apparently isn’t chancing anything with the thinner toilet paper across the pond. “Some may say that’s a little over the top or whatnot, but it didn’t really cost that much, so why not?” Aaron Degerness, Jets senior manager of team operations, said to The Times. “We’re basically trying to replicate everything that we’re doing here over there.” The Jets had items such as cereal, extension cords, gauze pads and wrist bands transported on a ship that also contained supplies for all the other NFL teams playing in London this season. Coach Todd Bowles also brought in a sleep therapist this week to talk to the team and even gave each of his players a set of orange glasses designed to block blue light when reading tablets and phones at night to maximize rest.

Ordinarily I save my breath when it comes to complaining about the London games in the NFL. Because its clear they are never going to stop, are only going to keep expanding, and its only a matter of time before a handful of games are played there and in other foreign countries soon enough. I think its dumb and unnecessary but at the same time I think its a little funny how much people act like its a such an outrageous trip for the players. You’d think they were playing this game on the moon. Its like a little further than playing on the west coast. Players are used to being on planes and shit. The 5 hour time difference is worse but its not like impossible to manage.

But then I hear a story like this. That teams needs to BYOTP because London’s toilet paper sucks so bad. 350 rolls shipped overseas because London can’t figure out how to fucking make toilet paper. Whats with you assholes and your hygiene? Cant brush your teeth, cant wipe you ass. Running around Jolly Old England with yellow teeth and poopy butts. You dont deserve to host NFL games if you cant provide bare essentials. And that includes some 2-ply, extra soft, double roll Charmin. You know what kind of shits 350 pound lineman take??? Those guys dont even take toilet paper off the roll. They just grab entire rolls of TP and use that to clean their crack. Poor people, cheap toilet paper aint gonna cut it for professional football players. You can’t have these guys taking the field Sunday with their assholes bleeding. Christ London. Figure out how to host one time for me.


Starting 2016 whichever lucky teams get selected should boycott until London can at least learn how to make toilet paper. Cant even imagine what assholes are like in that city.