Examiner - A man with a fetish for children’s playground equipment has been banned from going anywhere which has a slide. Christopher Johnson, aged 46, of St Osburg’s Road in Stoke, was arrested after simulating a sex act with a slide at Stoke Green Park in Coventry, the Coventry Telegraph reports. It’s his second slide-related offence. At Coventry Magistrates Court he admitted outraging public decency by behaving in an indecent manner and received a three-year Criminal Behaviour Order. The order bans him from attending any location, including parks, leisure centres, swimming baths, lidos or recreation grounds were there is a slide. Johnson also received a three-year community order, which includes having sex offender treatment for 18 months, and a rehabilitation activity requirement. He was fined £55 and had to pay a £60 victim surcharge, £85 costs and a £180 criminal courts charge. Police were called to Stoke Green Park at 10.45pm on Wednesday, August 18, after four people spotted what he was doing.
Listen I dont know how you fuck a slide. I guess you can just rub your dick against anything and its called sex. Just hump that flat, hot, metal slide and I guess you’re quote unquote having sex with it. But what I will tell you is that a $55 fine is NOT stopping a 2 time slide fucking offender. If youre the type of dude to have sex with playground apparatuses, paying like 200 bucks total in fines and charges is not gonna be enough of a deterrent to not jerk off on the monkey bars. Neither is 18 months of rehab. The first day this guy sees a swing set or a see saw he’s pulling his dick out. Thats a promise.
Fuck a slide once, shame on you. Fuck a slide twice, shame on us. Dont give this guy a third strike.
We also got the 78 year old man beat up over Costco free samples, ISIS lingerie and bandwagon terrorists, the Most Despised Man In The World, and calling out your ex’s name during sex. Plug in juice up.