Chinese Sperm Banks Are Luring Guys in With Advertisements for the iPhone 6s
BBC – Renji Hospital in Shanghai is among several facilities using the appeal of Apple’s recently announced iPhone 6s in a campaign to encourage more sperm donations, the Changjiang Times reports. “No need to sell your kidneys – you can easily have a 6s,” the hospital says in an online posting, referring to cases in which people raised cash to fund their iPhone and iPad purchases by giving away an organ. Underneath several iPhone images, the hospital says if a man passes a full health examination and then makes regular sperm donations, he’ll be rewarded with up to 6,000 yuan ($940; £610) – enough to cover the cost of the new handset.
Chinese consumers’ love for all things Apple is well-established. The release of an earlier iPhone model was stopped on safety grounds in 2012, after a near-riot outside a Beijing stockist where about 2,000 people had gathered.
Using the appeal of the new product to attract sperm donors has caused much amusement among Chinese social media users. “I don’t know whether to take this seriously or not!” one person on the Sina Weibo social network says. “This is great!” says another. “I hope that those who sold their kidneys can see this.” And one person writing on the NetEase news portal sees nothing wrong with the initiative, describing the sperm banks’ methods as “very creative”.
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Just for a second, let’s all ignore the fact that it’s pretty weird that a country that taxes the bejeezus out of people for having two kids has a bunch of people trying to get artificially pregnant. I mean if anything, China should go the opposite route of Russia and encourage homosexuality. State sponsored pride parades. Rainbow colored dragons dancing through the streets. Really low to the ground glory holes in all the bathrooms. The works.
Other than all that, this is a great idea for a sperm bank. If you can lure me in with something I really want, I’ll basically give you any body fluid you ask for. Because I’ve pretty much got 0 impulse control. That’s how I ended up donating blood in college so that I could buy beer. There’s plenty of research facilities on campus. Pop in one lab, they take a couple test tubes worth of blood and hand you $25. Then head across the hall use the other arm in another lab. Honestly, I’m lucky I don’t have track marks. In the same vein (preferably not), if you’re broke and somebody is offering to give you $1000 to jerk off in a cup it’d be tough to say no. You’ve just got to equate the thousand bucks to the right thing though. For me, in college, it was booze money. For these Chinese dudes a thousand bucks is equal to an iPhone 6. Personally, I don’t go ga-ga over new electronics, but if you could show me some pricing on flights to Vegas, I can’t say I wouldn’t poke my head in and consider making a quick deposit. So Bravo, Chinese sperm banks. That’s a solid marketing strategy you’ve got to get guys to jerk off for you. Although the same thing could be accomplished with a big ass drip pan on the set of a bukkake video, but hey, you do yo.
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P.S. Do they really do the prostate thing from Road Trip? Asking for a friend