SportsCenter Is Seriously Turning Me On This Morning

Never been happier to work from home so I can just watch SportsCenter, pantsless all morning. “Tom Brady will be on the field week one.” “READY. FOR. SOME. FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Talk dirty to me, ESPN. Be that nasty, filthy girl I know you are. Keep whispering these sweet nothings. Come on, say it. Say Tom’s gonna fuck the entire league on the Patriots war path to San Francisco for SB 50! SAY IT!!!!!!

The only thing better than all this is when everyone’s gonna have to eat crow. Mort, Kravitz, Hubbuch, Felger, Mazz, every motherfucker. They clearly did it? They’re guilty? Tom Brady should settle for two games and say thank you? SUCK MY FUCKING DICK. SUCK BERMAN’S FUCKING DICK. SUCK TOM’S FUCKING DICK. LET’S. GO.