Woman Plans On Having Dolphin Assisted Birth

ATLANTA (CBS Atlanta) — A pregnant woman is planning on having “dolphin-assisted” water birth in the ocean, despite experts warning of the possible dangers. Spiritual healer Dorina Rosin and her partner Maika Suneagle are appearing in the documentary Extraordinary Births to chronicle the woman’s journey of giving birth in the sea with a dolphin as a midwife, as reported by The Daily Mail. Experts say the plan poses the risk of other local marine life, like a great white shark, showing up in the water. The couple run a healing retreat and view nature as a healing power. The pair says they believe their baby will be able to speak “dolphin.” The couple says prior to the birth, Rosin took part in a  38-week blessing which she swims in the water alongside dolphins. They say the choice of birth environment is a more relaxing and natural way, despite warnings. Immersion in water has been suggested as a beneficial alternative for labor, or delivery, or both and over the past decades has gained popularity in many parts of world, as reported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. However, they caution that any facility offering the method needs to establish rigorous standards for candidate selection, maintenance and cleaning of the water, and infection control procedures. Child experts warn that dolphins in the wild are unpredictable and dangerous and should not be trusted around a pregnant woman or newborns. “This has to be, hands down, one of the worst natural birthing ideas anyone has ever had,” science journalist Christie Wilcox wrote in Discover in 2013. Wilcox notes that dolphins have been known to toss, beat, and kill other mammals for no apparent reason despite enjoyment. “Is this an animal you want to have at your side when you’re completely vulnerable?” she added. Rosin disagrees and views the animals as kind and healing creatures.

Welp we’ve done it, folks. We’ve found the biggest assholes on earth. We’ve found the biggest attention whore idiots on the face of God’s green earth. I dont wanna sit here and pray for any harm to come to these people but if I could get a shark to eat this woman and the father that would be ideal. Somehow the little baby survives and the rest is just a complete fucking bloodbath. Sharks and dolphins and maybe some barracudas and shit just eating the parents while like a seal takes the baby to safety.

There’s so much wacky shit out there with childbirth. Natural Childbirth and Immersive Childbirth and in home birth and all this other nonsense. These wacky fucking hippies that dont understand that giving birth is probably the most unnatural thing in the world. The whole goddam pregnancy is fucked 6 ways from Sunday. I’m 6.5 months into mine right now and every single day I’m thinking “Is this honestly the way its supposed to go?” Like this is the best that evolution could come up with? This shit is AWFUL. None of it makes any sense. Carry like a 6 or 8 or God forbid 10 pound baby INSIDE OF YOU for almost a fucking year? And then push that thing out a hole that is WAY too fucking small? Constantly sick and in pain. Your back and your abs and the rest of your body completely unequipped to carry the kid. How have we not figured out a better way to do this? I’ll tell you who’s got it figured out – fucking chickens and reptiles. Just pop out an egg and then sit around keeping that shit warm for a while. Sounds a LOT better than live birth.

You know what the best way to give birth is? In a goddam hospital. LOADED with drugs. Epidurals out the ass. Numb that shit up. Block it off. Get that kid out of you. And most importantly do it on dry land surrounded by fucking HUMANS and not dolphins. Christ Almighty people are assholes.

PS – Swimming around with dolphins asking for them to bless you to give birth with them is actually the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. Like giving birth with dolphins is lunacy but whats even crazier than that is being like “Well, you cant just give birth with dolphins, dummy! You gotta go swimming with them first to ask for permission!”