Rock-A-Fellas, Is It Gay To Have Only One Wife?
Dame Dash is one of those names I know I've been hearing my whole life. I'm pretty sure he's a respected name in the music industry. I know I've heard his name in rap songs. But I couldn't have told you a single additional thing about him other than he's probably a black guy.
On the other hand, I half expected to look up Dame Dash and find out he does porn or something. Porn stars are always having names that trick you – "Hold up, who is Bree Olson? I know that name from somewhere. Let me ask my wife..."
I swear I made that mistake in real life once. I just can't remember who with.
As it turns out, the original read I had on Dame Dash was pretty spot on. He co-founded Roc-A-Fella Records alongside Jay-Z. People credit him with discovering Kanye. Dame Dash was a pretty big deal in the rap game once upon a time.
Unfortunately, I've also just learned of Dame Dash's terrible downfall. He filed for bankruptcy last year, thanks to massive unpaid tax debts, expensive legal battles, and multiple failed business ventures. His life rights were sold at auction for a grand total of $550,000. That's his life story, 100 hours of video content, photographs, memorabilia, and the rights to a documentary he was working on about the story of Rock-A-Fella Records.
Anyways, in case you didn't know, that's who Dame Dash is. So is it gay to only have 1 wife?
For starters, I can't help but wonder if Mr. Dash's stance on wives has something to do with him going broke. Wives are notoriously expensive. But to Dame Dash's credit, do you know what else is gay? Saving money. Fiscal responsibility. Mutual funds. High-yield savings accounts.
The straightest dudes I know are gamblers. They make flashy, high-risk, high-reward investments. They spent their life savings on GameStop stock in 2021. They have a vast collection of NFTs and millions of dollars in crypto on a flash drive they can't access because they straightly misplaced their password, and are one wrong guess away from it self-destructing. That's how the straight man manages his finances.
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Additionally, Dame Dash makes some strong points. Points that are impossible to refute.
- Europeans are notoriously gay
- 80% of the world today has more than 1 wife
- "The Moors weren't gay. The Moors, Genghis Khan and them, and and and and–"
Numbers never lie. You can't argue with history. As a man, would you rather live like the gay Europeans, or Genghis Khan, who murder-fucked his way across all of Asia and built pyramids of human skulls out of his victims?
And come to think of it, Magic Johnson's son would look pretty fucking scary in combat boots. When you put it that way, it was pretty gay of me to marry just one woman.
Just a little food for thought. A conversation piece for the dinner table tonight. Surely your wife doesn't want to be married to a gay man. Maybe it's time to bring another woman into the mix. 80% of the world already does it. It would be weird gay if you didn't.