Shocker: Rex Ryan Has Been Arrested and Charged With Running Over the Feet of Two Pedestrians
Al Bello. Getty Images.I guess it's true what they say. You always end up hurting the ones you love:
Source - It's a shocking allegation against a guy who LOVES feet.
According to Nashville PD, the 63-year-old former Jets coach was driving his truck just before midnight last Thursday when he made a right turn, running over the feet of two people who were crossing the street.
The alleged victims told police Ryan kept driving, but they managed to catch up to him at a red light … where a heated argument kicked off, with Rex even getting out of his vehicle.
After exchanging words, the pedestrians told cops Ryan bolted without exchanging information … but they were able to snap a photo of his license plate.
The pedestrians went to the authorities, and a warrant was issued for Rex's arrest. The charges … two counts of leaving the scene of an accident, two counts of failing to give information/render aid, and two counts of failing to obey traffic signals.
Let's get the legal boilerplate out of the way. Allegedly. Accused of. According to police. Innocent until proven guilty.
With all that as preamble, let's agree that it sounds like these pedestrians avoided what could've been a catastrophe. If they were racing up the street to catch up to a pickup truck at a red light, it's safe to assume they didn't suffer any broken bones or torn ligaments or what have you. Still, it was a close call - quite literally coming within a foot of been struck by a vehicle, and that had to have been a little traumatizing.
That said, if this story is true the way they told it to police, it's a terrible look for Ryan. Almost hitting someone is bad enough, but it can happen to any of us. That's why they call them "accidents," and why you're required to have insurance. But bolting without exchanging information? That's a crime every time it's done. And the kind of thing only the worst kind of human would do. It's taking the coward's way out.
But just to repeat, these are merely charges. And the accused will be given his day in court. And if I'm Ryan's lawyer, I know exactly what my legal strategy will be.
"Ladies and gentleman of the jury, when you enter this building to do your duty, you do not leave your personal experience at the courthouse steps. Each and every one of you know my client's history. Not only his coaching career, his ability to scheme up a defense, his two trips to the AFC championship game and his blustery, confident nature. But even more so, his status as America's proudest and most outspoken foot fetishist.
Your honor, I'd like to submit defense Exhibit A:
And B:
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Do these seem to be the words and actions of a man who would pass up the chance to examine the feet of two pedestrians? To check them for injuries? Give them a massage? As the defendant clearly asks in the first exhibit, to "smell 'em"? Two people who have been walking around the streets of Nashville and have probably worked up a good, sweaty musk?
Many people would pass up that opportunity. But not the man who offered up his spectacularly MILFy wife in swinger's forums under the name “ihaveprettyfeet.”
The only reasonable verdict you can return, is to find Coach Ryan Not Guilty. Thank you.
And it wouldn't hurt at all to bring Wes Welker in as a character witness:
Ryan's next appearance on Get Up! should be electric. If he ever gets another one.