Report: Belichick and Jordon Hudson Ended Their Dating Relationship for the Most Belichickian Reasons Imaginable

Boy, it's hard to imagine this was 54 weeks ago. A perfect Halloween motive inspired America's favorite couple. Who, at the time, seemed to be eternal as the skeletons used to tell the story of their romance. 

But if the reports from last week are to be believed, their epic love saga has turned into something more mundane. Not involving the heart so much as the brain. Their partnership has become strictly a business one:

While we're discussing that story, thoughts and prayers are in order for the reporter who dared ask Chapel Bill about it:

That guy is likely in critical condition in an ICU bed right now, suffering from severe Sarcasm Exposure. 

And according to the latest published reports, the reasons for the split will be obvious to anyone who's been following Belichick's career for the past 35 years. Not as some have suggested, that he's replacing Jordon with a woman from Rutgers who's younger and will play for half the money. (How dare you?) But for the same reasons Tom Brady's marriage ended. He couldn't stop seeing his first love:

Daily Mail -  The 25-year-old cheerleader had been at every UNC home game this season, but was conspicuous by her absence on Saturday night as she appeared to stay out of the limelight, just hours after the TMZ bombshell that her relationship with the 74-year-old football coach was over.

Until now, details have been sparse, with reports that not even team staffers were aware of the break-up until it hit the headlines, despite it happening almost a year ago.

Now, a source close to Belichick has revealed to the Daily Mail why the romance came to an end, the decision to not tell anyone and how Belichick's 'first love' has been consuming his life. …

'He would much rather this stayed under wraps,' the source said. 'The last thing he wanted was a distraction, but unfortunately, here they are, having to deal with it at the worst possible time. It's certainly not the way he wanted this week to unfold.'

The big question on everyone's lips, understandably, has been: Why? At least publicly, the loved-up pair were the perfect couple, doting on each other at high-profile events and privately supporting each other's careers. 

 

'Their relationship started to become bigger news than either of them ever wanted, and Bill was trying to protect it while also giving it the attention he felt it deserved,' the source continued.

'Looking back, that was a big part of what pulled his focus away from football last season. He was thinking about taking the next steps with her, getting engaged, getting married, and building a future together, while also dealing with the constant attention and outside scrutiny that came with being in such a high-profile relationship. It became overwhelming for both of them.'

If you had shown me this article five years ago, say. Complete out of context. With all the proper nouns redacted. I'd have known by the second paragraph we were talking about Belichick. This is just so … him. 

Keeping it "in house." Behind closed doors. All the information on a Need-to-Know basis. We can't be having distractions. "Ignore the noise." Done without emotion. Nothing personal. No hard feelings. His need for a woman's love isn't going to help him beat UConn, Louisville, Virginia or NC State and get to a bowl. And that's all that matters. 

He undoubtedly said the same things to her he said to a thousand roster cuts. We appreciate all you've done for us. I wish we could keep you. Just doing what's in the best interest of the football team.  We wish you all the best and maybe we'll be in touch. It's enough to make you wonder if he sent The Turk to summon her to his office and tell her to bring her playbook. 

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But she does get to stay at UNC because she's an asset to the program. It's just that his needs are neither romantic or physical. They're about winning games on Saturdays. Like a true Football Guy, to the core of his being. So he has to weigh the strain of all the media coverage against how it's going to help the Tar Heels. And those scales weren't balancing right now. Not at all unlike that season he brought in Tim Tebow, and he didn't make it past the first round of camp cuts. 

On behalf of everyone who has been covering this story (except the grandstanding asshole Journo who asked him about it, like he was ever going to answer), I'd like to apologize for giving it so much attention it caused it to end. Just know that I've simply been cheering them on. In love with their love story.  The good news for Jordon and the rest of us is that Bill never says "never." The history of his time in New England is loaded with guys he let go when they got too expensive, and then welcomed back. Hell, if he can re-sign Malcolm Butler, she definitely has a shot to get brought back onto the roster of his heart. 

Here's hoping it happens. But this world was never meant for two as beautiful as them.

Giphy Images.