Knee Jerk Reactions to Week 8: Patriots vs Dolphins
Things to consider while wondering how this dashing Rough Rider could've come in third behind a Colonel Sanders and a Dolly-Kenny pairing:
--Because I've always tried to build our relationship on a foundation of trust, I believe that I, like a The Bachelorette contestant, can be completely ... vulnerable around you. And so I'll admit I was very worried about this one. Through halftime, it had all the earmarks of another in a long line of disasters befalling us in Miami. Like that game in late 2004 that Bill Belichick dined out on for 20 years as an example of how you can't take any team lightly, when his 12-1 Patriots went down there and lost to a 2-11 Dolphins team with an interim head coach because Tom Brady threw 4 interceptions. Or the Miami Miracle in 2018. The point being that Hard Joe Player Rock Life Shark Stadium has always felt like it was built on an Indian Burial Ground where strange occurrences happen. And All Saints Day wasn't going to be any exception.
--Instead, it became very much another statement win, one that proved Drake Maye can carry this team to a victory pretty much all by himself. More like the "Unicorns! Show ponies! Where's the beef?!?" game in 2013, when Brady was completing passes to Kenbrell Thompkins, Aaron Dobson, Austin Collie and Michael Hoomanawanui. Essentially, Maye had to fly manually. He suffered main engine cutoff. His flight computer was out. His instrument panel failed. But he and Josh McDaniels back at Mission Control found a way to guide the craft into a trans-lunar trajectory using whatever he was left to work with. After a 3 & out that lost a yard on the opening possession of the 2nd half, they put together three straight touchdown drives to prevent this entire season from crashing and burning. All while pretty much flying blind, making use of whatever he could from the bottom of the wide receiver and tight end depth charts. During the Rainy Season in that far off, hostile, tropical land called Florida, no less:
--At the risk of being overly dramatic, if Maye hadn't been able to produce almost 200 yards and 3 total touchdowns, we'd be sitting at 4-4 with a divisional loss on the record to a terrible team. And we'd be wondering if all playoff hopes were lost before your girlfriend has even started listening to "Last Christmas" or watched Love, Actually.
--Again, to be completely honest and bare my soul to you, when Hunter Henry left for the locker room, things felt hopeless. And when he came back out like a guy climbing out of his sick bed, only to have to go back, they felt even worse. He was clearly the focal point of the game plan going in. Before getting hurt he had three catches on three targets and it didn't look as though Miami had an answer for him. Without him, McDaniels went from a 12-personnel base to Jumbo sets, with Tanner Arkin and Caleb Lomu at tight end and Eli Raridon getting a career high in snaps. From that loaded line look, the Pats were able to run effectively, mostly with Rhamondre Stevenson finding cutback lanes on inside zones and Corey "The Closer" Kiner hitting holes on gap runs.
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--On the seventh possession, four straight Stevenson touches got them across midfield, and Maye got his first truly great opportunity to try out the arm God saw fit to bless him with. Kyle Williams said after he knew this was a touchdown as soon as he heard Maye call it in the huddle. Saying they'd been waiting weeks for the chance to use it. It was one of those play designs that has a different read for each side. Raridon and Efton Chism ran a Levels concept to the right, which is the read against zone. But after Pop Douglas short-motioned outside and corner Julius Brents went with him, Maye saw he had man on the other side. That safety Michael Taaffe was on Williams running a man-beater flag route. And put it right in his hands:
--However, this in the NFL in 2026. Which means we can't have a great play design, execution, throw and catch without it being ruined:
The officials have become those people you know who can ruin every party. Explain to you why every joke isn't funny. Pick apart every movie to explain why some element of the plot doesn't make sense and therefore it's all bad. For real, I once heard people discussing some logical inconsistency in a Jurassic Park sequel. And it fell to me to casually remind them there's also not an island with cloned dinosaurs running around eating tourists. That's who these officiating crews have become.
Football fans: "Wow! That 43-yard touchdown pass sure was spectacular!"
Referee [talking with their eyes closed]: "Act-uallllly … it was not. You see, he hit the ball with his knee, and therefore didn't complete the catch. Sorry to disappoint Old Boy, but I'm afraid it's 3rd down."
I'm saying we suspend tomorrow's elections until we can define what is or is not a touchdown catch. Until such time as we can all agree on this essential aspect of American life, all the stuff about taxes, jobs, the economy and public safety will just have to wait. I mean, imagine that they not only blew an obvious call, they didn't even booth review it. They forced Mike Vrabel do one of his Bo Jackson warning track throws. Though credit to Vrabel for carrying on the Patriots proud legacy of utter contempt for these incompetent boobs:
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--The call reversal did two very positive things for Williams. One, it gave him the fifth touchdown of his career, all of which have been by 30 yards or more. And it spared him from having to hear the term "Knumble" for the rest of his life.
--On the next touchdown drive, still trailing by 3, McDaniels got into a rhythm of pounding the ball behind a loaded O-line with Lomu in as an eligible receiver, and mixing in short passes, mainly out of shotgun. Including the 4th & 2 to Douglas in the flat that was originally ruled short of the line to gain, but reversed by the booth. Presumably before Vrabel could set fire to his Molotov Challenge Flag and launch it through their plateglass. Then he saved the best for last with a read option at the goal line. Again, with Lomu declared eligible:
As the Wise Ones among our Tribal Elders say, "Option football is assignment football." Willie Gay was one guy finding himself with two assignments, He was left unblocked on purpose, so that Morgan Moses could help Matt Pryor with a chip on Josh Uche, then bounce into the end zone. The old power forward Maye, leading the fast break, froze Gay with the fake pass and drove the lane for the easy lay up. And now there's yet another aspect of Maye's game on film for defenses to worry about over the second half of the season.
--Then again, what does an opposing defensive coordinator do with a play like this? Chop Robinson didn't bite on the backside fake toss to Stevenson, made Raridon whiff on a block, but still couldn't lay a glove on Maye. From there it was all Douglas:
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Once again we got to see Pop go to that instant gear he finds where his legs spin in blurry circles like Road Runner. And from a full stop, he goes 0-to-60 to blow through a pack of coyotes. He'll got through stretches where he doesn't seem involved in the game plan, but it's always schematic and never due to a lack of effort. Whenever they need an upfield block, he's the one throwing it. Whenever they're thin at the position and need him to play like a WR1 for a WR4 paycheck, he steps into the lead role, does the work, and delivers the production.
--And yet the greatest trick Maye pulled was on the 4th down conversion to Chism, who bounced back like a pro after his fumble, catching all five passes thrown his way. This one a deep curl:
Good as the throw and the catch were, the fact Maye didn't take an 8-yard sack was nothing short of wizardry:
It's like he bent light to project a hologram of himself two steps to the left, and Chris Johnson tried to sack his doppleganger. It's the only explanation I've got. But I do want to point out one other thing about that play. At first glance you might've seen Johnson come off the left side and got the wrong idea. He came on a late corner blitz, with Robinson stunting inside. Raridon rerouted him briefly, before releasing into the flat. If you were wondering where Will Campbell was in all this, the answer is he was dumping Zach Seiler onto his ear hole. Campbell played half the game alongside Walter Rouse, who was pulled halfway through and replaced with a banged-up Ben Brown. And all he did was keep Maye safe and secure, with 27 passing snaps and just one hurry allowed. A great second season continues.
--I wish we could say the same for Campbell's fellow Class of 2025 linemate Jared Wilson, who rolled a couple of snaps to Maye like a first basemen doing infield practice in Beer League softball. Presumably because of the wet balls. Fortunately Maye was able to handle it each time, sparing us from further disaster. Because we came very close to this going all William Butler Yeats on us:
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"Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world…"
--It's taken me a while to get to the defense, which was also A Tale of Two Halves, just reversed. Yes, in the first 30 minutes we got to witness Cory Durden playing the half of his life. Like here, when he by no means took the cheese on a misdirection designed roll out, shot the gap between Patrick Paul and Jarrett Kingston and chased Malik Willis down for the sack:
--And Gabe Jacas continued to be a constant force of utter disruption, getting into the backfield with a variety of power rushes and speed the stunt game:
But that 1st half, the pass rush was just the delicious cherry lip gloss on what was an otherwise unattractive date. Willis took 5 sacks before halftime, but was still 12-for-15 for 112 yards and a touchdown just before the half. And he had five different receivers with between 11 and 35 yards. All this against the Patriots starting five in the secondary for one of the few times all year.
--All of which leads to the observation Zak Kuhr was calling a lot of zone coverages, and the Patriots are not especially good at it. Malik Washington running an out route underneath Christian Gonzalez for 23. Keon Coleman sits in front of Carlton Davis beyond the sticks to convert a 3rd & 3. Caleb Douglas in front of Gonzo for 18. The secondary was consistently providing more giant cushions than the average wife puts in the guest bedroom. And made a below average QB like Willis look like 1999 Kurt Warner.
--When they played more to their strength after the half, Willis was 9-for-17 and 83 yards. Cause, effect. You can line Gonzo up on a team's WR1 for an entire game, but you can't play strictly man. So they're going to have to improve as a unit in this one weird weakness they've developed in order to make a deep postseason run. And create more turnovers. I mean, you can't always rely on DaQuan Jones to deflect a pass off his helmet to Kevin Byard:
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… like Larry knocking the kick over the crossbar in "Three Little Pigskins" (cued up to the 3:44 mark):
[Note: This is what I was put on this earth to do.]
--Vrabel reportedly gave game balls to Byard, Durden, Maye and Stevenson. Which were good choices. Very deserving. I just wish he'd sent a fifth one up the hall to the visitors locker room. Ollie Gordon deserved one for an unhinged meltdown that was worthy of a rich girl being given the wrong color of BMW on "My Super Sweet 16":
You have to love a second-year 6th rounder with 600 career rushing yards running around pleading his case to every coach and teammate. With zero ability to read the room. Poor Jeff Hafley just gave him middle-distance stare of a husband standing in Home Goods on a Saturday in November while his wife shops for Christmas ornaments and giant cushions. If ever a struggling franchise could make an example of a guy by cutting him, in order to prove the point the future is about the T-E-A-M and not the emotions of one manchild, Ollie Gordon is him.
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--I don't expect the highest quality broadcast when there's a marquee game going on elsewhere that makes the map look like this:
But boy oh boy, was that rough. As somebody else is fond of saying about a very different topic, "They're not sending their best." As TV analysts who played defensive back for Rutgers and the Patriots go, Logan Ryan is no McCourty Brother.
--The special teams have improved measurably since Brendan Schooler came back. Both in coverage (the opening kick only got returned to the 23) and return units (Marcus Jones broke off a 23 yarder). But my doubts about Andy Borregales are about one missed 40-yard kick away from being a full on crisis of confidence.
--This Week's Applicable Movie Quote [tie]:
Gene Kranz: "I don't care about what anything was DESIGNED to do, I care about what it CAN do."
And:
Director: "This could be the worst disaster NASA's ever experienced."
Kranz: "With all due respect, sir, I believe this is gonna be our finest hour."
-Apollo 13
--So 5-3 at the NFL's still relatively new halfwayish point, is about what we'd expected. Making next week's game against Green Bay pretty much mission-critical if we don't want to spend December hoping for help from other, lesser teams. Let's hope all those decent, beer-loving souls who'll no doubt be packing Gillette will still be too hungover to make much of a difference.