Suck My Clock!

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On Sunday morning, November 1st, at 2:00 am, daylight saving time officially ends. We set our clocks back one hour, essentially getting an extra hour of sleep, or an extra hour to party. Whatever works for you…

Once Monday rolls around and the work week begins, it gets light earlier in the day and dark earlier in the evening. The days get shorter. Supposedly it's done so kids aren't waiting in the dark for their school buses in the morning…

To me, changing the clocks is a royal pain in the ass. In my house I have 11 clocks, 12 if you include the car in the driveway. The hardest to sync are the digital clocks on the stove and microwave, which are only 3 feet apart. My goal is to get them to switch at exactly the same time, which takes a lot of work and rarely happens without some luck. I have done it!

I have clocks strategically placed around my house so I can see the time at a glance, no matter where I am. It sounds excessive, but it works for me.

I used to remove the analog wall clocks and set the time using the small knurled dial on the back as instructed. But as I've gotten older, I've gotten lazier, and I spin the minute hand to set the time, which clockmakers say is a big no-no. It's a lot easier than pulling the clock off the wall, and I haven't damaged any clocks, so I'm gonna continue doing it that way.

When I dated my wife, she had a strict curfew. No matter what we were doing, I had to keep one eye on the clock. Didn't want to get on her father's bad side.

I'm jealous of people who are off the grid and no longer dependent on clocks. You're hungry, you eat. You're tired, you sleep. You want an adult drink, you drink. Time doesn't dictate when they do things. I'd love to live in a clock-free world, but it's just not possible. I need my clocks!

I no longer wear a wristwatch because the most accurate timepiece on the planet is a cell phone, and mine is always within arm's reach. Wristwatches are nice fashion accessories or, if you spend enough money, status symbols, but I don't need them anymore. They were also too fucking expensive and never as accurate as their manufacturers claimed.

I usually change all my clocks on the same day, but because the car is outside the house, I always forget. Even though I do it on November 1st (Fall Back) and again on March 8th (Spring Forward), I still need a refresher course each time I attempt to change it. I have to pull the quick handbook out of the glove box, bone up on how to do it, and because I dread it, it usually takes me several days, sometimes a week, before I get around to it.

Inevitably, this time of year, if I let it go too long, I get fooled and panic, thinking I'm running late for an appointment when I'm really not. The car clock should be the first one I change, but why ruin all the fun…

This is your final warning. Put down that joint, and don't forget to change your clocks!

Thought I'd something more to say?

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Let me know in the comments how many clocks you have in your house…