GRAND OPENING: Museum Of Modern Flop (MoMF) - Curating And Critiquing New Additions Of NBA Performance Art
Welcome to the grand opening of the NBA Museum of Modern Flop (MoMF). A dedicated curation of the artistry we see painted on hardwood almost every night. There's such a plethora now it's easy to not even notice. And I for one will not allow these efforts to become mere bathroom art. These pieces must be shown off and critiqued. And that's exactly what we are about to do. I'll be your museum director, chief curator, and judge for new procurements still wet with paint from a recent fall in the 2026-27 season. I think we all know where we'd build this museum - Oklahoma City. For obvious reasons. Lot of space right outside the city.
It's time to snip some large shears and fall flailing to the ground, while the severed commemorative ribbon is immediately called for a flagrant-two. Here's what's in store. I have a small selection of newly acquired art which will all be graded on four factors that make a great work of flop. We boast a robust and precise critique format hinging on the following flop criteria.
Flop Grade Criteria
Shoutout ChapGPT for kind of nailing this on one take
Each factor will get a score of 1-10 with .5 increments. Any factor that receives a 9.5 or 10 will be hung in that factors exhibit wing. I can see a Minimalist Wing for those who make something the best out of nothing, Kinetic Gallery, Expressionist Wing, and Surrealist Wing to fit our factors. Now what about those who receive an average of 9.5 on all four criteria? Such masterpieces belong in the most prestigious wing of them all: The Wall of Frame.
A stroll down the Wall of Frame will easily be the most embarrassing walk of shame you'll ever experience. Reserved only for those masters of crime staging. I can't guarantee we'll get one this season, but so far it looks promising. And while today's grand opening is for very recent works, I look forward to future posts where we include temporary themed exhibitions and artist retrospectives to show individual masters and the journey of their flop career.
I do not have audio tours available at this time. But come on in. Let's see what we have with this first 2026-27 shipment. Hopefully none fell off the truck.
Tripped by the Blue Line
Paul George
October, 2026
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Canvas: 5
Composition: 5.5
Expression: 6.5
Story: 5
Paul George leads us off with a fairly ho hum piece to start the season. Sometimes you have to just get the paintbrush going first before the good ones come. Like that first pancake oversaturated with butter. He had a solid canvas here, which actually is kind of reverse scored for your information. A nice clean white fabric actually hurts your score. We value artistry that challenges themselves with a lesser starting point here at the MoMF. Composition here is pretty vanilla. The arms raised in disbelief at least tries to make up for a fairly lacking effort. And with little space it was hard to see much a story here. Maybe this one will stay in the bathroom after all.
The Knee Bag
LeBron James
October, 2026
Canvas: 8.5
Composition: 8.5
Expression: 1
Story: 1
LeFlop gets a very solid 8.5 canvas score for having to jump into the defender - thus making something out of nothing as a medium to work with. The unique and daring knee-bag move is a clever twist to the old Halo victory celebration which the grading committee applauds. But that's where this work just stops. It's almost incomplete. You'd think jumping balls first into someone's patella would force a natural reaction of expression. We felt this piece was abandoned half-way through. We considered this might all play into the story in some way, but failed to find that connection.
Pascal's Stager
Pascal Siakam
October, 2026
Canvas: 8
Composition: 8.5
Expression: 8
Story: 7
I was at first between a 9 and 9.5 for canvas, but after my team conducted a Zapruder film session it did confirm Siakam's elbow was lightly grazed by a finger before Siakam's jump (:09 into clip) as evident by the middle finger of the defender getting pushed back about a solid 3/4ths an inch. Dirty play by today's standards. This didn't give Siakam much time to plan, but he was able to muster a delayed reaction (right after the release) which would require time to bend slightly in order for there to be any proper physics explanation. The expression is solid, but not entirely noteworthy, and the story is clear, but mundane.
Picked Up Spare
Jalen Williams
October 2026
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Canvas: 9
Composition: 9.5
Expression: 9
Story: 9
Real talk - I feel awful for Jalen after an actual gruesome leg injury that will most certainly put him down for the year. He's a real fun player to watch and has dealt with injury issues constantly. But at least we got this work of flop out of him. Our first addition to the Kinetic Gallery for a 9.5 in composition. 6.5 rolls for those scoring at home. An all time record. The slowing speed of those rolls told a nice tale of the brutality the now dead body went through.
Saxophone Shock Wave
Ziaire Williams
October, 2026
Canvas: 7
Composition: 9
Expression: 9
Story: 7.5
Now here's one that actually elicited a fine from the NBA. Very good composition here. I could see myself doing the same thing being that close to a saxophone. I almost over graded the canvas to a 9.5 or 10 based on this freeze frame.
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But after careful inspection, he didn't start the act here. This was just the third act resolution on a fine, but not spectacular story.
Bathroom Murals (BM) Collection
Sympaknee Pains
Isaiah Hartenstein
October, 2026
Canvas: 1
Composition: 3
Expression: 5
Story: 1
We considered rejecting this embarrassing submission, but decided we do have some empty space above the urinals in the mens' rooms. This was an abomination. Hartenstein had everything he needed here to work with which is why he gets a 1 on canvas. Aaron Gordon gave a great stunt actor 1/10 effort shoulder which is enough of a mark for the affected actor to work off. As we discussed, you get a higher score for making something out of nothing and Hartenstein did the opposite. Composition gets a 3 for at least timing things up right. But come on. If you're going with the hurt knee card, you have to at least grab the correct one. Here's how bad this was - not even an NBA ref bought it. Maybe I'm being too harsh. I'm not saying we should piss on this attempt. But I am saying we should piss right under it.
That'll do for this grand opening. Lots of space on these walls so give me a tip if you see any clips of artistry we should procure.
Tag #MoMF on Twitter for submission consideration.