Knee Jerk Reactions to Week 7: Patriots vs. Bears

Things to consider while expecting Drake Maye to fall off the wagon with a couple of stiff salted caramel shakes after a tough game like this:

--A bitter a pill as this one was to swallow, it was never going to be the easiest game to win. The Patriots were underdogs. On the road against a legit Super Bowl contender. Facing talented, well-coached opponent. On a short week. Diving so deep into the depth chart as certain positions, you needed a bathysphere to identify the interior offensive line. On an electrically-charged night at Soldier Field in which 10,000 fans were handed Emotional Support Mustaches. In some aspects, the Pats played extremely well. But time and time again, the Bears came up with a clutch play in high-leverage situations and did more to win. There's no shame in this loss. Unfortunately the NFL playoff tiebreakers don't account for Shame Factor. And we're way beyond counting moral victories here. 

--I'll say this though, frustrating as this was, it was a special night. The kind of game you know you'll remember years from now. When two Franchise QBs from the same draft class met for the first time and played out of their minds. It felt like a rivalry being born. A friend took a morning flight out from Logan and said the Chicago-based flight crew played the Bears fight song (I'd lose my right to be called a Boomer if I didn't point there is but one Bears fight song.) as they landed. And I'm sure we'll soon be learning this one set ratings records. And it would be worth making a ritual sacrifice to the schedule gods that they find a way to give us one of these every two or three years if at all possible. 

--As far as that Franchise QB matchup, I'm sure the argument going forward will be that since Caleb Williams got the win, he gets declared Primus Inter Pares ("First Among Equals") over Drake Maye. For now. Sure. Fine. Whatever. To the victor goes the spoils, and all that. My takeaway is that at least once a game, Williams does something impossible. Zak Kuhr dials up a perfect blitz, Christian Elliss stunts around unaccounted for and puts him on missile lock in the end zone, and at the last millisecond, Williams retracts his head into shoulder pads like a box turtle, pops it back out, and delivers a perfect strike to Rome Odunze:

--Later on, again backed up to his goal line and the Patriots needing to make a stop and get the ball back, he hits Odunze again. Not through a tight window, but through the triangle window the front of my mom's old Country Squire station wagon that she only opened to toss cigarette butts out of: 

--But for all the preposterous throws Williams makes, the thing about him that repeatedly puts your jaw on the floor is his escapability. There are guys with lucrative Vegas residencies who need clouds of dry ice and trap doors to do the things he does in a dirty pocket against one of the best pass rushes in the league. Forgive me for making this personal. But I'm coming up on the 2nd anniversary of losing a brother who was higher on Williams coming out of college than anyone in the country. When I'd bring up the kooky stuff like him crying on his mother's bosom, Jack would say that's just because he wants to win so badly. That he's an eccentric guy, but he's going to be special. I wish my brother was still here for reasons it would take all weekend to list. But right now, knowing he would've been bragging incessantly about how he was on Williams isn't one of them. (He's in a better place now. Basking in the loving warmth of family and friends. And he's being impossible reminding them how right he was on this guy.) I'm not ready to pour a circle of salt around my house to protect myself from Williams; I'm just admitting he came as advertised. As confirmed by this little nugget:

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--But there was another QB in that 2024 draft all the Thornton men agreed on, and he played exceptionally well too. Yes, he reverted to September Maye when he threw that pick into the end zone. On a 1st & 10. From chip shot field goal range. Which was inexcusable. But I'll equate that to Williams taking a sack on that final drive, a mental error that should have taken Chicago out of field goal range:

One bad mistake each by still young QBs in otherwise flawless performances. Maye's cost his team. Williams' didn't because Ben Johnson trusted his kicker for some inexplicable reason, and his faith was rewarded. Ballgame. 

--It seems like the Bears defensive game plan was to send extra rushers, play a shell coverage to take Maye's deep passing game away, and dare him to beat them working underneath to his backs and tight ends. And he nearly did:

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--Chief among them was the checkdown at the end of the half to Rhamondre Stevenson. Which needs to be put in context to fully appreciate how insane it was. Maye's red zone interception cost his team the chance to take a 14-13 lead, or at least make it a manageable 13-10 game. Then a 3 & out got negated by a Charles Woods hold away from the play. Then a 22 yarder to Luther Burden, with one of the latest late hits on a quarterback you'll see all season by Gabe Jacas tacked onto the end, which puts the ball into Patriots territory. So two bad penalties by our depth corner and a rookie who's been stellar takes us to the 2:00 warning. Which consists of a bladder control panties ad featuring NFL moms who pee themselves. (At that point, I could've used a pair.) That's followed by Jacas redeeming himself with a sack (along with Marcus Jones) that sets up a 3rd & 17. So the Pats have Chicago right where they want them. Then? Disaster. Burden takes a simple tunnel screen. Which is made less simple by the fact he's got five blockers out in front of him. At the 15, Jones commits to the inside and gets sealed off by Darnell Wright and Colston Loveland, as Burden cuts outside and never has to break a single tackle. 

Great play design by Johnson. Well executed to put hats on hats with no one getting flagged for getting upfield too early. Burden following his blockers while outracing the backside pursuit. A game that the Pats should've been leading is now 20-7. As every Masshole reached Frustration Level: Storrowed at Rush Hour.

--(As a quick aside before we get to Stevenson's TD, try to find yourself someone who'll be just as cheesed off at a moment like that as you are. Who'll empathize with you and share your pain. But if you are - or know someone - who instead gets lectured about how he shouldn't slam his pen down onto his notebook in frustration, please feel free to reach out to me. I'm thinking about forming a support group. And workshopping the name, "Have You Met Me?") 

--So it was with no hope whatsoever that the Pats took possession at their 34 with 0:09 left. Not even when AJ Brown got them across midfield and they called time. Personally, I was debating whether to head to the kitchen for more of my sister's Chili Cheese Dip. I'm sure an unhealthy percentage of us were already out of the room or had flipped to Bruins hockey. And even in real time, the pass to Stevenson just felt like a gloried kneel down. Until it wasn't. Unlike Stevenson decided to go Crazy Ivan behind Pop Douglas. And what happened defied all the Laws of Probability:

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That was Pop coming from the backside slot to block Kyler Gordon into Dylan Thieneman and get in the way of Jaylen Johnson. Proving once again he's one of the best upfield blockers I can ever recall on this team. And that one man with courage is a majority.

--As for the tight ends, Hunter Henry got off to a slow start to the season as the offense was still sputtering. But now it's been fine tuned, he's the timing belt that makes the engine purr. The Bears more or less conceded the underneath stuff, and Henry feasted on a diet of crossers and meshes, catching all seven of his targets for 71 yards, three of them for 1st downs. And Eli Raridon added to what has already been a productive rookie season. He had 55 receiving yards for the second time in three games. And added his second 30-yard TD catch of the season with Hitch-Seam combo with Henry, running through contact from Devin Bush:

It has been a minute since this franchise drafted and developed a tight end. And if you're scoring at home, through five games Raridon already has more receiving yards (168) than the legendary duo of Devin Asiasi and Dalton Keene did in their careers. Same with the 2024 WR class of Ja'Lynn Polk and Javon Baker. And one more reception like that touchdown and he'll have as many yards as Ryan Izzo did that time he led the team in 2020. Like Jacas, he committed a rookie penalty and needs to clean that up. But he's been an absolute find.

--As long as we're talking penalties, a couple of things. One, both Maye and AJ Brown deserved better officiating than they got:

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So did Will Campbell, who called for a phantom false start for not getting set in a unique formation that had him on the right side of a loaded front, when he appeared to be perfectly set. Though Mike Vrabel refused to take the bait being dangled in front of him:

But this is what we've all come to expect from TNF. The players can't take the quick turnaround for these games and neither are the officials. There were 19 penalties in all in this monstrosity, evenly split between the two teams. And still they miss the blatant arm bar Malik Muhammad threw on Brown. You're either calling it tight or letting the boys play. Pick a lane. 

--Two calls were I don't take issue with went against one Patriots player. And it's time we have a family meeting to discuss what to do with Morgan Moses. We all love him. Which is why we need to have this difficult conversation. It's become a regular thing with him. He might be hurt and fighting through some things. He might just be getting old; it happens to us all. But I'm just worried he's going to become a danger to himself and to others. I'm not ready to call Visiting Angels. And it's way too soon for a Silver Alert. I'm just pointing out that Caleb Lomu has been playing at a high level and was brought in here for this very reason. It might be time to put Moses on a bench. We'll all be sad, of course. But that's The Circle of Life. 

--Sometimes I think I've been in purgatory for the past six or so years. Maybe I died of Covid or was murdered by a white suburban lady for going the wrong way up the cereal aisle when they decided facing one direction in the supermarket was the best way to stop the spread, because science. Because I've spent ever year since then, I've been condemned to watching Joe Thuney play at a high level for a championship-caliber offense and make Pro Bowls. The more time passes, the higher up the ladder of Bill Belichick's worst personnel moves letting go of Thuney climbs. They spent more paying Antonio Brown for one game than it would've cost to make this guy a Patriot for Life. 

--Still, what in tarnation was this?

I'm working on a theory that when the best offensive minds face each other the way Johnson and McDaniels did, they tend to go all Big Bang Theory on each other. Competing to prove they're the smartest nerd in the room. And Johnson went Full Sheldon. So what easily could've been a 1st & goal if he'd simply run a Power with D'Andre Swift, ends up as a field goal. Never go Full Sheldon.

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--This Week's Applicable Movie Quote [tie]:

1. Elwood: "It's 106 miles to Chicago. We got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it's night, and we're wearing sunglasses." 

Jake: "Hit it." 

-The Blues Brothers

2. Daniel Plainview: "I broke you and I beat you. …  I'm so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? Watch it. Now, my straw reaches acroooooooss the room and starts to drink your milkshake. I… drink… your… milkshake! I drink it up!" 

-There Will Be Blood

--Now seems like a good time to bitch about Amazon Prime's coverage of these games. I'll fight anyone who wants to denigrate Al Michaels. That man was already the best in the business when he was given the assignment of Team USA Hockey in Lake Placid, 46 years ago. And that elevated him to permanent godlike status. So you mind your manners when you speak of him, Hoss. Or you're walking on the fighting side of me. 

--The problem isn't with Al or Kirk Herbstreit. It's everything else. There's a pivotal play where you're not entirely sure what happened, and we get no replay because we've got to cutaway to a close up of a rip in someone's sock and a minor cut. There's a borderline penalty call, and instead getting a look at it, we're shown a close up of a man in a headset hiding his face behind a laminated sheet of 8 1/2x11 printer stock. Lousy angles. Poor camera work. Constantly cutting away from what matters to the audience. It's just a low-rent broadcast and always has been. 

--Still, it's not as bad at the promo for Rings of Power looks, the one where the Dark Lord Sauron now looks like Alyssa Milano's dreamy love interest out of a season of Charmed. 

--And finally, Mike Ditka went to God after a long and prosperous life. And you can't convince me he wasn't a factor in this game:

It was unfair. Over before it started. If anything, it's a miracle the Pats made a game of it. At least we don't have to worry about Don Shula kicking the bucket before the next game at Miami. Count your blessings.