Where Does "Clavicular's Looksmaxxing Camp" Rank Among Places You Least Want Your Lost Son to Turn Up?
To be the parent of a looksmaxxer... woof. I'm sure there are worse things. There must be. There are plenty of ways a 19-year-old kid can try to ruin his life. When it comes to the looksmaxxing stuff, I suppose it all depends on how far the kid decides to take it. On one end of the spectrum, I came across a video of a 21-year-old looksmaxxer/bodybuilder on Twitter yesterday that fucked up my whole week. I'm not even sure if the kid technically qualifies as a "looksmaxxer", but he's in the same category. I know a lot of dudes in the looksmaxxing world aren't above injecting god knows what into their bodies in the pursuit of looking like Billy Football.
That's not the video I'm talking about though. The video I'm talking about is so uncomfortable and disturbing that I don't even want to embed it in the blog.
But here's the link. Be warned, his skin seems to be growing barnacles.
After watching that, I couldn't help but go to his Instagram page. It's morbidly fascinating. It's like watching a kid document a long, drawn-out suicide. It's haunting. It sends a shiver down my spine. It's a car wreck I can't look away from. The thought that my kid, or any person in the world, would choose to "live" their life that way is terrifying. I honestly think I'd feel safer knowing my child was smoking crack than whatever it is that guy is doing to himself.
But again, like anything in life, it all depends on how far you take it. You can do a little bit of crack and come out ok. A few rounds of responsible bonesmashing probably won't ruin your face for life. But say you had a college-aged son whose well-being you're generally worried about. You think he's making poor choices. You're concerned about his future. You wish he would get his priorities straight. Then one day, he goes off the grid. He won't answer your calls. You're worried he might be in trouble... or worse.
But finally, you get a call. Your son has been found. Turns out he caught a $2000 flight from Ontario, Canada to attend Clavicular's $5000 Looksmaxxing Camp in Los Angeles.
That's tough. Sticking with the drugs theme, I'd rather my son turn up at a hospital after an overdose (but will make a full recovery). Overdosing on drugs is a traumatic experience. It could be a wake-up call. And there's nobody in the world who's going to spin a drug overdose as a good thing. That's one thing about drug addicts. At least most of them will tell you, "You don't want this life, kid. You're better than that."
Clavicular's $5000 Camp For Looksmaxxers, on the other hand… I don't know exactly what he preaches out there, but this particular 19-year-old went to his camp and is now convinced he needs $40,000 worth of surgery. Mostly on his face.
Dexerto – “I applied thinking, like, there’s no way in hell I’m doing this,” he told USA Today. “I just thought, I’m a young kid. Money comes and goes. So might as well get the experience out.”
Now that he’s returned home, the college students want to spend $40,000 on additional surgery, especially on his face.
“It’s a lot of money, but for me, it’s worth it,” he added, noting that his parents now have an “understanding” of the looksmaxxing trend.
Remember when the scariest thing a kid could do to his body was get a bad tattoo? Now they want to get facial reconstruction surgery before the age of 20. They might not even be finished growing yet. Their brains certainly aren't fully developed. I'd rather my kid turn up in jail. I'll take a kid in jail (for non-murder/sex crimes) over learning my son worships at the church of Clavicular.
Especially considering what Clavicular has been in the news for recently. If you're a parent who doesn't have the slightest clue who Clavicular is, and your lost boy resurfaces at his camp, the first story that comes up when you Google Clavicular's name is going to be:
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"Oh, I see. My son wants $40K because the guy on trial for raping a minor says his face his busted. Awesome."
So in review, if I'm ranking the top 5 places I'd least like my missing 19-year-old son turn up:
1. Dead
2. Arrested for Murder/Sex Crimes
T3. Clavicular Looksmaxxing Camp
T3. Prostitution (whoring himself)
5. Anything drugs related
I think those rankings are fair. I'm sorry, Clav. To be honest, laughing at your absurd lifestyle/worldview has brought me a good deal of joy. But I can't have a looksmaxxing son who attends your weird "make me look like an asshole" camp. I won't stand for it.