Dumping Them Out – NFL Week 6 Guessing Game

John Rich10/19/2026 1:36 AM

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. This morning I woke up and drove two hours across Ohio to visit friends who live on a big piece of property in the middle of nowhere. They have a pig. They have some goats. They have peacocks, chickens, and a handful of other birds whose species I couldn't quite place. They grow their own food. They grow their own weed. I suppose the word I'm looking for is "farm". I have friends who live on a farm.

I spent all day on the farm without a lick of cell phone service. For me, today was what Barstool Sports historically refers to as "apple picking weekend". I'm not sure how many people actually go apple picking on "apple picking weekend". I've never been apple picking in my life. I don't even know where I would go for that. I suppose I'd just Google the "nearest apple orchard", put an old kitchen pot on my head like Johnny Appleseed, then fill my big wicker basket full of apples. Honestly… it sounds boring as shit. At least today I got to hang out with some animals.

Seeing as I missed all of today's football, I wanted to try something new. I will provide a brief commentary for each game based on what I think happened. I genuinely haven't seen a thing other than the final scores. This blog might be terrible. Or maybe something funny will come out of it. Who's to say? That's what this blog is for. Boob GIFs and experimenting.

Texans 34 - Jaguars 31

C.J. Stroud is back? He must have played pretty well, unless the Texans defense did some borderline record-breaking shit. But if I had to guess, Trevor Lawrence must have blown the game on the final possession. If I have to choose between Trevor Lawrence blowing it and C.J. Stroud leading a late game-winning drive… I'm obviously betting on the former.

Titans 26 - Colts 20

Are you fucking kidding me, Colts? Tough weekend for Indiana football. Colts, Indiana, Notre Dame, even Purdue. Credit to Ball State for carrying the torch for the whole state this weekend. I don't even care how the Colts lost. At this point, I'm almost cheering for it. Cheering for the Colts is a fruitless endeavor until Chris Ballard is fired. You'd think losing to Cam Ward might be the push Lady Irsay and her big hat need to finally make a change. But I doubt it. Wake me up when the Colts have a new… everything.

Panthers 24 - Eagles 14

Jalen Hurts stunk up the place, but it was Nick Sirianni's fault. The Eagles have to fire Nick Sirianni. Fire him into the sun. As good as the Eagles have been in recent years, they've only ever won games despite him. Am I doing this right, Philadelphia? I've been hearing "FIRE SIRIANNI!" since… well, I guess he's only in his 5th year as head coach, but it feels like they've been calling for it for a decade. We were hearing "FIRE SIRIANNI!" from Eagles fans before, after, and while he was literally in the act of winning a Super Bowl.

Steelers 26 - Buccaneers 19 (OT)

Aaron Rodgers helmet somehow got even bigger and goofier. It's bigger than the guardian caps. I'd compare him to The Great Gazoo from The Flintstones, but that would be insulting to The Great Gazoo. In overtime, Aaron Rodgers led the Steelers on a game-winning drive, then Mike McCarthy hopped on his shoulders, lit the fuse beneath his helmet, and road Aaron Rodgers into the sky like a hot air balloon.

Browns 13 - Ravens 10

The most hilarious game of the day. Obviously. I was happy to see Shedeur Sanders pick up a win after Deshaun Watson was hit with that flaming projectile and sent to the hospital with 3rd-degree burns.

Saints 34 - Giants 27

Oh my… when Jameis Winston did that hilarious thing… boy was it hilarious.

Bears 31 - Falcons 23

Chicago Bears rally from down 17 in the second half to pick up the win. Ben Johnson credits Caleb Williams for a gutsy mid-game Instagram profile pic change.

Patriots 26 - Jets 19

It was a lot funnier when Drake Maye randomly turned into the worst quarterback in football for however many weeks that was. I guess he's good again. God damn it.

Chiefs 22 - Chargers 6

Jesus Christ, Justin Herbert. What a remarkable series of stinkers that guy has laid this year. Somebody needs to take away (or give back) the cocaine to Mike McDaniel. He's either doing way too much, or not nearly enough.

Cardinals 18 - Rams 16

Jesus Christ, Rams. Seriously, what are they putting in the cocaine in Los Angeles these days? Is it fentanyl? Yeah, it's probably fentanyl.

Bills 33 - Raiders 30

Future Hall of Fame running back Josh Allen overcomes a red-hot Fernando Mendoza, who replaced Kirk Cousins in the 2nd quarter after an injury that even the most serious of football fans admit, "Was a little bit funny."