25-Year Professor at Liberal Arts College in Minnesota Outed as School's Alleged Serial Pisser
NY Post – A whizzing Minnesota college professor allegedly spilled his own urine on a student’s backpack in what authorities believe to be the latest in a disturbing series of the educator’s pee-soaked incidents, according to new court docs.
The alleged piss plot was uncovered after a Macalester College student said biology professor Paul Fischer, 55, had heeded nature’s call on Dec. 5, 2025, after she briefly stepped away while working at the school’s science center – only to return to find her backpack moist with a pungent yellow liquid, CBS Minnesota reported.
The pissed-off pupil provided receipts estimating $2,000 in damages from Fischer’s misplaced bathroom break, according to documents.
When local cops in Saint Paul investigated the tinkling, they found that Macalester Public Safety had received six prior reports complaining about urine found in places other than the restroom at the school’s Olin-Rice Science Center, records show.
Does that look like the face, shirt, bowtie, and exact receding hairline of a professor who has a weird pissing quirk? Yes. Yes, it does. Almost to a T. Couldn't have drawn it better myself. I'm surprised he got away with it for as long as he did, and that Professor Fischer didn't have campus police outside his office at the first report of piss-soaked anything.
Does anybody believe this gentleman when he says his habit was limited to dumping cups of piss in trash cans and lab sinks?
When questioned by authorities, Fischer told police he developed a strange habit over the past two years of peeing in a cup and dumping it in campus trash cans or science lab sinks, records show.
The toilet-challenged educator told cops he may have accidentally soiled the student’s backpack while trying to dispose of a cup full of his wee into a trash can near his office, the document states.
Sure, Paul. A little bit of piss must have missed the trash can and covered her backpack. Could have happened to anyone who frequently dumps piss cups in the trash. It must have been some other serial pee guy responsible for the piss "inside other professors' decorations."
Odd places where pee was discovered included trash cans, water bottles and even inside other professors’ decorations, according to documents.
Honestly though, sometimes I wish I had a vice of this nature. As long as you aren't this dumbo who got himself caught, it's probably better than alcohol, drugs, nicotine, porn, fast food, etc. If all you need to get that little rush that gets you through work was pissing in a cup and dumping it on an unsuspecting student's backpack… if that got you through the day, and from there you could go about your life stress-free, because you got your one weird thing (which is piss) out of your system… you'd probably be living a pretty healthy life overall.
Until, of course, you get yourself caught and face 5 years in prison. And I suppose chances are if you have the vice of dumping your own piss on other people's things, there's probably some other stuff you do not-so-normally. You know who else terrorizes people with their piss? Homeless people. Crack heads on the subway. The type of people you cross the street to avoid when you see them on the sidewalk.
Ok, maybe scratch my "this isn't a bad vice to have" point. But IF this professor was a phenomenal educator otherwise… I mean… good teachers are hard to find. What do Paul Fischer's reviews say? Did he help a young man discover his love for the sciences, and, despite the one time his chemistry book was randomly full of piss, did he go on to do great things as a renowned toxicologist?
I'm just saying… I hope Malcalester College weighed their pros and cons before pressing charges that led to Paul Fischer's resignation. I hope they found a suitable replacement for this tenured chemistry professor who sometimes dumps piss on his students' backpacks. A little urine is a small price to pay for a quality education.