There's Nothing Worse Than When Everybody Finds Out That Giant Bulge In Your Pants Is Just You Trying To Smuggle 10 Birds Through The Airport
EvgeniyShkolenko. Getty Images.MIAMI -- A man accused of smuggling 10 live birds through Miami International Airport had a creative hiding spot for his feathered passengers: his underwear.
According to the United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida, Alberto Hernandez Castillo, a legal permanent resident of the U.S., arrived from Cuba on Sunday and was sent for a secondary inspection after customs officers noticed an "unexplained bulge" near his waist.
A pat-down allegedly revealed six plastic containers tucked into sewn pockets inside his underwear.
When you're walking through the airport, you already think that everybody there wants to fuck you. You think that you're the most fuckable dude in that airport at any given moment. But now imagine walking over to gate C27 and you have a MASSIVE bulge down by your waist.
You see everybody staring. You know that people are wondering just what in the heck could be going on down there. I mean…could you really have a hog that massive? The answer is obviously no. But that's for you to know, and everybody else to spend the rest of their time in the terminal trying to figure out. They'll tell stories of the dude who they saw walking through the Miami Airport who looked like he must have had 10 birds stuffed down his pants with how big his bulge was.
And you would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those pesky little TSA agents blowing up your spot and showing everyone that it actually was 10 birds stuffed down your pants. You went from being the mysterious dude in the airport with a firehose, to being a freak with a couple of parakeets stuffed down your Levi's. Tough break. Not the way you want to head onto a flight. Probably got stuck with a middle seat, too.