Matt Kalil's Lawsuit Against His Ex-Wife Was Dismissed After Her Comparing His Penis to Two Coke Cans Was Deemed 'A Matter of Legitimate Public Concern'

You never want to lose a lawsuit. And I understand how this whole situation would be incredibly upsetting for Matt Kalil. But as consolation prizes go, having your gigantic penis enshrined as "a matter of legitimate public concern" on the record forever has to be up there.

Haley Kalil's attorney argued her comments were defensible because she was discussing the experience of her marriage and her own body.

TMZ — Speaking out about the ruling, Matthew wrote ... "The Court found that Haley was speaking about her body, her life, and her marriage. She was talking about the trauma she went through and what led to her divorce. Those experiences are hers, and she has every right to talk about them."

He added ... "No woman should need her ex-husband's permission to tell the story of her own marriage. No woman should be sued for talking about her own body. We hope this ruling gives women everywhere the confidence to share their own stories."

Now I didn't go to law school, but the argument that publicly describing your ex-husband's penis in remarkable detail is talking about your own body seems pretty tenuous to me. This guy who did go to law school, however, has a lengthy explanation on why this ruling came about due to Minnesota law if you're inclined to check it out:

I feel for Matt Kalil, though. He was the No. 4 overall pick in the NFL Draft, had a solid career, made $60 million playing football … all to just be the Big Penis Guy. And again, that's a much preferable thing to be compared to the alternative, but you're still some variation of Penis Guy.

Any time he goes to a Vikings game and gets introduced to the crowd on alumni day or whatever, 75,000 people will all think in unison, "Oh yeah, the guy with the massive dong." And now he's gone through all of that just to have the case tossed. Brutal.

Hang in there, Matt.