Bold Move Mamdani – New York City is Getting Free Public Robo-Toilets With Doors That Pop Open After 10 Minutes

Gothamist – A suite of high-tech public restrooms has started to land in New York City as part of a push by the mayor’s office to make it easier for people to find a place to go while they’re on the go.

Mayor Zohran Mamdani on Wednesday announced the first two modular bathrooms the city ordered earlier this year from the company Throne Labs started to operate on city streets. The rest, a total of 17, are expected to come online in the coming months.

The robotoilets of tomorrow can be opened only by texting a number via a smartphone or by using special tap cards, which will be distributed by community partners.

Once inside, users are put on a strict 10-minute time limit. As an occupant approaches the limit, a speaker inside the room emits an automated message telling them they’re running out of time. Once the 10 minutes are up, the speaker states, “Attention: Your use time has expired. The door is opening now,” in English and Spanish, before the automated door slides open, exposing the user to the public.

Now this is something. This is fun. I don't think it's necessarily any better or worse than the current public bathroom situation in New York City. I guess there will be more of them, so maybe homeless people will be sneaking into Whole Foods less? Or visibly shitting/beating off less on the sidewalk? But also... it's more public toilets in New York City... public toilets in New York City are gross. NYC is deploying boxes full of shit around the city. Whatever. For all things Mamdani has done since becoming mayor to make the city either better or worse, I'm gonna chalk this one up as "keeps NYC about the same".

However... think about the race against the clock that some poor citizens of New York are going to find themselves in. 10 minutes is almost always plenty of time to get the job done for a normal, healthy human under normal, healthy circumstances. But I have to think if you're forced to use the public robotoilet, you're not doing so under normal, healthy circumstances. If you simply have to piss really bad, then no worries. Should be easy enough. But if you're desperate enough to shit in one of those things... you better hope it's a sub-10 minute ordeal. Or else you're about to be pants down cock out in the heart of Brooklyn. 

And that's just shitting for housed people who happen to be caught in a bad situation. If New York is lucky, the robotoilets will only be used for homeless dudes beating off/homeless dudes fucking each other about 50% of the time. That's the real race against the clock. And unfortunately, I don't think the people in that particular race care too much about winning. The things random passers-by will be exposed to when that robotoilet door pops open at the 10 minute mark. Again... they'll be lucky if whoever's in there is in the process of covering up. For a crazy NYC crackhead (or however you want to describe the people fucking in robotoilets), when that door opens up and exposes you to the world... sorry to be crass, but I'd imagine that's when you cum. 

Ok so maybe these toilets won't be the best thing for the city. Or maybe New York will surprise me. Nothing in that city is as bad as what people like myself say it is for the sake of a joke in a blog. Or as bad as people who've never been there insist it is. Maybe the robotoilets won't all turn into fuck shacks for Dirty Mike and The Boys.

Or maybe they will. Guess we'll find out when those robotoilet doors start swinging open. Can't wait.