Sounds Like Glen "Big Baby" Davis Had a Blast in Prison
"Fuck, I missed jail this year. Was it awesome?" – Ricky (Trailer Park Boys)
For those who might not recall, Glen "Big Baby" Davis went to prison. Real prison. He was sentenced to 40 months for his role in a scheme to defraud the NBA Players' Health and Benefits Wefare plan. As it turns out, it was a little more than the internet being mad because a black man got money.
Lucky for Glen Davis, if there's one demographic of person who I think would thrive in prison, it's gigantic NBA basketball player. Celebrities and rappers have money, but they can't necessarily protect themselves physically. But when you're a 6-9 300-pound ex-NBA player who everybody remembers... for one, you're scary big. You'd be crazy to fuck with a man of that stature. People respect his career. And even if Glen Davis no longer has suitcases full of money on a private jet, surely he's still rich in most inmate's eyes. I'm sure people assume he can still get money. Come to think of it... (sorry I'm really talking out of my ass here now) going to prison for fraud might be best case scenario. It might even make his fellow inmates think, "Well I don't want to mess with him now while he's broke... let me suck him suck up to him for a bit. He'll remember me when he's back up."
Especially nobody cares that you're defrauding the NBA. That's as close to a victimless crime as it gets. Put it all together, and that's probably why his first day in prison sounded so lovely.
Shit sorry wrong clip. That part wouldn't have been cool. Nobody wants to make their bootyhole jump for a guard. This is what I was referring to.
A weed pen, a cell phone, zero responsibilities, nothing but time, some cool ass homies to cross arms with next to the basketball court. Memories that will last a lifetime.
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I might be interested in the Big Baby Davis Prison Experience. It sure as hell sounds more pleasant than this.
Sorry I shouldn't imply that prison is fun and games. I don't mean to offend anybody who's actually been through it. I know it's not all sunshine and hibachi like they make it seem on TikTok.
But a weed pen and a cell phone (assuming it had data) is about all you need to entertain yourself in this world anymore. Depending on where you are in life, spending two years high as balls scrolling social media and watching Netflix might sound like a nice vacation. Get your mind right. Read a book. Take some time to think about what got you there. Never have to worry about anyone fucking with you because you're a 6-foot-9, 300-pound professional athlete – that's the big one. Most people don't have that luxury. But if you do… I can think of worse ways to spend two years.
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Congrats on your freedom, Glen.