Youth Football Fight Season is Underway Thanks to America's Angriest Coach
Last week I used Kenny Chesney's sentimental youth football anthem "The Boys of Fall" as a jumping off point to wax nostalgic about my days of (assistant) coaching my two sons teams over a span of 11 seasons. To tug at my own heartstrings, looking back on those innocent memories of a simpler time:
Times that included, but were by no means limited to, a head coach who worked for a bookie taking college football bets in the middle of our games, with the team on the field and the clock running. The program being taken over by maniacs who gave 10% of the roster 90% of the snaps, including, of course, their own sons. A coach and a dad having to be separated by the cop working a security detail. A hardo dad who never said a word to me before confronting me to claim I'm trying to undermine his kid, and me finding the strength to not mention my brother saw a stack of "Chicks With Dicks" magazines in his house. (I'm not judging.) And one I didn't mention: Those same coaches trying to motivate the team by calling someone else's 10-year-old "a pussy." And so on.
Not long after I published it, Youth Football 2026 itself announced its presence with this story that Jordie wrote about:
And now, just to make sure we're all aware the season is indeed underway, we get this:
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I remember back in the early 90s the late, great Dan Jenkins published a book of his columns under the title, "You Call it Sports, But I Say It's a Jungle Out There." That expression has never meant more than it does watching this clip. I'll also add something my old Chief Court Officer once told me. "Big man, big penis. Little man, ALL penis."
According to the guy who uploaded this video onto Facebook, Ryan Crux, "Its the 4th quarter, we're down 7-0 with 3:00 min left with the ball and a chance to tie the game, then this happens.The coaches are 100% blame for this loss after they forfeit smh. Never thought i would have to protect my son from youth football coaches but here we are."
For starters, this coach made it clear he was out for blood the moment he stepped out of his car rocking these shorts:
Long before he aggressively displayed his tail feathers like a bird of prey in a fight:
But he shows his true colors when he goes nose-to-sternum with the opposing coach who was clearly a former offensive lineman:
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… and when the bigger guy lays his hands on him, Coach Ragemonster goes into a backpedal that would've been the envy of Darrelle Revis in his prime. Clearly he was looking for someone more in his weight class. And found her. Slapping the hands of that woman away:
Then finally giving the kids some great coaching points on the perfect form tackle. He breaks his opposite number down. Focuses on his hips. Keeps his feet shoulder-width apart for balance. Sticks his shoulder pads in and wraps up:
And that is what youth sports are supposed to be all about. A learning experience. And through this dad, volunteering his time to pass his love of the game down to these youngsters, they received a veritable clinic on that they need to know. They learned that just because their coaches are grown men, doesn't mean they're not incorrigible fucking assholes who shouldn't be within 100 yards of an athletic field filled with children. And that is the greatest lesson of all.