There's a 300-Pound Lion on The Loose With Her Cub in Central Indiana and Nobody Knows Where They Came From
NY Post – A 300-pound lioness and her cub are thought to be on the loose in central Indiana, prompting authorities to launch a massive search effort for the apex predators.
The prowling pair are believed to be on the lam somewhere in northern Hancock or southern Madison counties in the Hoosier State, WXIN reported.
A nearby resident reportedly spotted a 300-pound lioness wearing a blue harness and a smaller cub roaming freely from his back window.
No lions were reported missing from animal sanctuaries as of Thursday, according to the local outlet.
The Madison County Sheriff’s Department said it is unaware of any permits within the county that allow the ownership of a lion.
You got this lions. Wherever you came from... whoever put that blue harness on you... that's not where you belong. A life of captivity in central Indiana is no life for a 300-pound lioness and her child.
In a situation like this, I always cheer for the animals to make it to freedom. Nobody has yet stepped forward to claim ownership of these stray lions. Which means one of two things:
A) They don't want to get in trouble for illegal lion ownership
B) The lioness ate her owner and fed his scraps to her cub
Unfortunately for these two lions, whatever they did to make their initial escape wasn't enough for them to be in the clear. The lions have been spotted. The midwest is now on lion watch.
First things first, you lions have to make it out of Indiana. Fall is right around the corner, and winter in Indiana in too cold for lions. If I were you, I would head south, then west. Make a stop in the Ozarks of Missouri. There are lots of trees, lots of deer, and it won't get too cold too fast.
But eventually it will get cold-ish in Missouri. Eventually you'll want to head further south, then make your way across Texas. Texas is going to be tough. They sell guns in vending machines there. And I'm pretty sure killing a 300-pound lion in Texas gets you some sort of prize. They'll probably name the guy mayor of whatever town he nabs you in. So best case scenario, find yourself a freight train or something to hitch a ride on.
Obviously what you're working towards is California. That's the goal. If there's one state in America that there's a chance of people putting some liberal ass, "Leave the lions alone! They're just like us!" law in place, it's California.
But most importantly... what do lions like to eat more than anything else in the world?
Zebras. Lions eat zebras. Which brings me to one of my favorite United States animal facts – there is a large herd of free-roaming wild zebras along the west coast near San Simeon, California. In the early 1900's, William Randolph Hearst owned the world's largest private zoo. In the 1930's, his private zoo went under. When the zoo went under, most of the animals were sold to other zoos. But not the zebras. For whatever reason, the zebras were set free. And in the coastal hills of California, they thrive. Generations of zebras have been living there for decades. Today there are over 150 of them in the herd.
This is where you have to make it to lions. San Simeon, California. This is the plan.
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It's about time those California zebras had a natural predator. They could use a couple lions to keep them on their toes. They'll probably benefit from it. It will make their herd stronger as you help them weed out the weak. Evolution and shit.
Good luck out there lions. I'm rooting for you. Consult the map if you have any questions.