Today in North Korea – Citizens Are Being Told to Drink One Liter of Beer as "An Effective Health Drink For Heat Relief" to Deal With Country's Heatwave

CNA – North Korean state television has offered an unconventional solution to the country's scorching summer heat: drinking a liter of beer.

The recommendation came during a broadcast on Korean Central Television, the regime's official channel.

The program focused on strategies for coping with extreme summer temperatures. During the segment, a liter of beer was introduced as "an effective health drink for heat relief."

This is literally the Marie Antoinette Queen of France "let them eat cake" quote, isn't it? Except in real life? Because apparently Marie Antoinette never actually said "let them eat cake". But as I understand it, the story is basically that Marie Antoinette was told her people were starving. That they had no bread. And Marie Antoinette was so out of touch with their real world problems she said, "What are these bitches so worked up about bread for? Let them eat cake if they're so fucking hungry." (paraphrased). As if that was a viable option. 

Fast forward to today, North Korea is experiencing some sort of devastating heatwave. And their government's response is, "How about an ice cold beer? That's always great on a hot summer day". 

In reality, I imagine the problem goes a little beyond that. The poor oppressed North Koreans are probably malnourished, poor as shit, and literally dying from the heat. But Kim Jong Un says, "Have a beer! You'll feel great." 

To be fair... he's not entirely wrong. We've been doing it in America for years, and we're doing just great. This really might be the most normal piece of news to come out of North Korea in ages. 

To be honest, I didn't even know North Koreans were allowed beer. I figured beer was as illegal in North Korea as a non-state-approved haircut. I figured if North Koreans wanted alcohol, they were forced to make it on their own. Or that the only regular people in North Korea who got "fucked up" were those huffing jenkum in sewers with the rats, or some crazy dark shit that North Korea would never allow the rest of the world to see. But nope. In North Korea, the Taedonggang Beer flows like the waters of the Yalu River. Not only is drinking permitted, it's encouraged by the Supreme Leader himself. For health. 

Now it would be irresponsible of us as a world to not ask the question, "Is there a reason North Korea wants their citizens drunk?"

What is Kim Jong planning over there? He's already got the whole country doing his bidding. Now why does he need them boozed up? Why is that? Is it a "drunk truths are sober thoughts" situation, and he's looking to bring some non-believers to light. He's is planning something that would make even the most loyal of North Koreans say "Woah, woah, woah Mr. Un. Now you're just being unreasonable", and he wants them to be drunk when he delivers the news? Is Kim Jong Un about to send his entire population to invade South Korea?

Or maybe his people are finally starting to wise up, and he needs to slow them down by any means necessary. Like when the CIA airdropped crack and AIDS into the ghettos and gayborhoods. 

Do you know how fast a person like myself, who admittedly has some alcoholic tendencies, would FLY off the wagon the second the government told me it was an "effective health drink to dispelling the heat". Excuses to drink don't come much better than that. Especially if I was a North Korean, and worshipped the almighty Kim Jong Un. If the Supreme Leader of the greatest country in the world says it's a smart thing to do… well sorry, kids. Daddy needs to spend some time alone in the basement. Or in North Koreas case… idk a hole in the backyard or something. You don't want dad suffering from a heatstroke. He needs to maintain his strength for the family by drinking himself into a coma and fighting eating the dog.

Just keep your eyes on North Korea for the next month or so. I guess that's kind of impossible. So idk… watch the sky for missiles or something. Especially if you're in South Korea. Keep an eye on the border South Korea. Your arch enemy's supreme leader might be up to something. The last thing you want is millions of drunk these guys coming after you.