Should The Phillie Phanatic Have To Wear Pants? What's The Phanatic's Situation Down There?
The Phanatic has been flashing those Phanatic titties around on the dugout for years now. The fella loves to pop the top off and let that belly breath. It's hard to blame him. He's stuck working outside in the dog days of summer. It's disgustingly muggy out, he's a hairy mess, and obviously the Phanatic has a drinking problem that makes him sweat like a maniac to begin with. So usually when he pulls this stunt, it seems innocent enough. Just some good, wholesome fun for the whole family to enjoy.
But there's just something about the purity of that field in Iowa last night that makes everything start to click. Maybe it's the lack of surroundings that makes you focus on what is really going on here. The Phanatic isn't just going tarps off when he does this, but he's going full hog reveal as well. He's just butt ass naked at this point.
Sure, you could say the Phillie Phanatic has his hog out 24/7 considering he's never wearing any pants. But it's like how Winnie-the-Pooh managed to convince the world that having a shirt on counts as covering up both the upstairs and the downstairs. Like as long as you have something, that's good enough. Winnie-the-Pooh would be in a lot of trouble if he took his shirt off. Then you just have a perverted naked bear running wild through Hundred Acre Woods. You can't be having that, and especially not for a children's story.
Gritty might be a total menace and a bigger threat to society, but at least he wears pants.
Len Redkoles. Getty Images.Well…at least besides that one time during the Stadium Series.
Len Redkoles. Getty Images.
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But that's the thing. Gritty was hoggin' out right here. He popped the top off, took off his pants, and was flapping in the wind while streaking across the field. Obviously the pants are serving a purpose here. I guess you could make the case that there's just so much bush here that it falls under the category of "no harm, no foul". The Phanatic is working with US Open levels of rough down there. But it's still an issue that should be explored.
Phillies won 7-1. Now to the weather.