You Know You've Made It When Your Face is On Cocaine – Police in Ecuador Seized Over 1,000 Pounds of Erling Haaland Branded Cocaine

"Have you tried the Erling Haaland pack yet? It's fish scale bro. Straight from Ecuador. No, yeah, I get he's Norwegian. But he's super white. And did you see him this World Cup? He was on fire. Branding matters in the cocaine business. Remember what Michael Jordan did for Gatorade? When everybody wanted to drink it and "Be Like Mike". Erling Haaland will do the same for our 1,000 pounds of blow. The kids are going to love it. And if you buy a brick, we'll throw in some empty Mbappe baggies incase you wanna use it for crack. No, no, no sorry I didn't mean it that way. I meant it like... alright yeah I guess I meant it racistly. You got me. Do you want my soccer player cocaine or not?"

And the cool thing about cocaine is that when you do it, you might actually feel like Erling Haaland. That's more than Gatorade can say. Do you know how disappointed people were when they first drank Gatorade, and couldn't immediately dunk a basketball and sweat orange? It was basically false advertising. But one big ol' line of Erling Haaland cocaine, and I promise you'll feel like a Manchester City striker. Or like Diego Maradona. You'll definitely feel like Diego Maradona. 

Unfortunately for these master marketers, their product never quite made it across the boarder. Police in Ecuador discovered their Erling Haaland brand drugs in the bottom of this truck. 

So close. I just hope one of those police officers managed to skim a few bricks off the top. One for business (to sell), one for pleasure, and one to send to Erling Haaland. It would be shame if he never got to sample his product.