Finally a World Record That Means Something – Robin Steiner Sets Record for Highest Ever Blob Jump at Astonishing 92.5 Feet
Are you not astonished? Haven't used that adjective for a blog title in a while. Maybe ever. But if that blob isn't astonishing, I don't know what blob is. If that blob isn't astonishing, then what does that say about this blob?
That it wasn't a certified monster to end Camp Barstool? Please.
The people at Guinness World Records have been on some incredible bullshit in recent years. I no longer respect them as an organization. Guinness is distraught over it. But they brought it on themselves. They barely even do world records anymore. They just chase celebrities for clicks. They've become whores. The other day they awarded Luke Combs a "Guinness World Record" for first solo country artist to headline Wembley Stadium.
I love Luke Combs. He deserves to be recognized for that achievement. But that's not what Guinness World Records are about. That's not even a record. Records are breakable. They're literally made to be broken. Nobody can break being the first person to do something. Guinness World Records should be about the world's fattest baby. The longest time stayed away. A photo of the tallest person ever standing next to the shortest person ever. Some crazy bitch with 50-foot fingernails.
Now that's a world record. Things of that nature.
It's still "Fuck Guinness World Records" as far as I'm concerned, but I'm man enough to admit when they get one right. And some dude named Robin Steiner being launched 92.5 feet into the sky off a giant inflatable blob… that's the good stuff.
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It's impressive. It's dangerous. It can be broken. It something people actually do. Unlike this asshole who sets records for bullshit Guinness just lets him make up.
"The sliced melons were donated to a local restaurant"… Fuck off Guinness. I don't want Ashrita Furman's stomach watermelons. Fuck you.
But Robin Steiner is a man who deserves to be in the record books. Not only does he legitimately have the world record for highest blob. Robin Steiner is a man who lives a world record setting lifestyle. He might be the best flipper on the planet.
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And as we saw today, he's not a one trick pony. He doesn't just flip. He also gets launched. Really high.
What percentage of the population do you think dies if they're dropped into the water from 92.5 feet in the air? I'm not 100% sure I could survive it. I think I could. But I once jumped off a 30-foot diving board. I landed correctly, and even that hurt. If you lose your bearings and land smack dab on your side from almost 100 feet, you might break every bone in your body. It would be like landing on concrete.
Ok I clearly have no idea what I'm talking about here, but traveling 92.5 feet (up and down) is a hell of a long time to be in the air. And Robin Steiner controlled his body for the duration of it like it was nothing. That's a Guinness World Record worth celebrating. More records like that, Guinness. Less of this nonsense.