Ivy League School Refuses to Let Men Be Men – Cornell Bans Processing Wild Game in Dorms After Students Butchered a Bear in Communal Kitchen to Make Black Bear Pastrami
USA Today – Cornell University, a New York Ivy League school, is banning students from preparing wild game in communal kitchens after two students skinned and butchered a black bear last year.
According to The Cornell Daily Sun, in September, two students legally hunted an adult black bear, then skinned and butchered it in a shared kitchen.
The incident happened in Ganędagǫ: Hall, a residence hall on the university's North Campus. "Ganędagǫ:" means "it's in the hill" in the language of the Cayuga Nation, according to the university's website.
The new policy was included in the university's guidelines for the upcoming academic year and states, "processing wild/game animals in community kitchens is strictly prohibited."
Cornell told USA TODAY in an email that the "update aims to provide clarity regarding what is or is not appropriate to do in a communal kitchen space."
Shane Gillis once tweeted the meme "Guys aren't even allowed to have fun anymore".
And nowhere is that sentiment more prevalent than at an Ivy League school. Specifically, Cornell.
First off, Cornell. Have you ever even had black bear pastrami? Me neither. So for starters you're robbing your young, impressionable, eager-for-life-experience students from expanding their horizons.
Secondly, your mascot, Touchdown The Big Red Bear, is a brown bear. These students were skinning a black bear – your clear #1 rival outside of park rangers. You should be celebrating the murder and subsequent pastramification of that black bear. It's called school spirit. If Cornell isn't careful, they'll find themselves right back in The Bearless Years (Wikipedia). And Gil Dobie isn't walking through those doors.
Thirdly, 2026 isn't the best year to be an Ivy. College degrees aren't worth what they used to be. Your tuition is expensive as hell. The internet is calling you libs. If America breaks out in civil war, and middle America takes over, the Ivy's are the first to go. You can't literally beat someone over the head with a law degree. My point is, Cornell needs all the alpha males you can get. I know they come few and far between out there. Your most famous alumni is a fictional a capella singer.
So if a couple of strapping young man manage to get accepted into your prestigious university, and want to skin a black bear in Ganedago Hall, hold on to those guys with everything you have. That's the type of behavior you should be encouraging. When shit hits the fan (whatever that may mean), you're going to wish you had more students with… knives… who know how to properly dress a wild animal… and will wear its head as a trophy.
Advertisement
Feel free not to heed my advice, Cornell. But I'm telling you… a little more bear guts in the communal kitchen space would do your school of world of good.