There's an "Explosive Diarrhea Parasite" Spreading Across The United States, Has Reached At Least 20 States
NY Post – stomach-churning parasite that causes explosive, watery diarrhea has sickened over 140 people across multiple states — with the highest number of cases in New York.
According to the CDC, 145 people ranging in age from 5 to 86 years and from 20 states contracted the parasite Cyclospora cayetanensis between May and June 16, with 20 hospitalized.
Since none of the patients had traveled recently, officials believe the cause is food — although they’re unsure of the exact source.
The cyclospora parasite causes cyclosporiasis, a type of food poisoning that leads to diarrhea, severe cramping, nausea, vomiting, and fatigue.
One of the main signs is explosive, watery diarrhea, but others may include loss of appetite, bloating, fatigue, low-grade fever, stomach cramps, nausea, and vomiting.
While a cyclosporiasis infection can go away on its own, symptoms can last for a month or longer if not treated, increasing the risk of dehydration.
Shit. Literally. You mean to tell me 145 people across the United States (or at least across 20 of them) are having explosive diarrhea? And you can get it from eating the wrong food? Sounds like... I guess it sounds like about an hour ago for me. Based on the main symptoms – diarrhea, bloating, not being hungry any more... all after eating something you shouldn't... well I'm not sure I've ever enjoyed 4 chili-cheese coney dogs from Skyline Chili that weren't riddled with the diarrhea parasite.
But when your explosive, watery diarrhea is accompanied by a low-grade fever, nausea & vomiting, and it hasn't gone away for weeks, it might be a good idea to go get your poop tested. That's how they find out if you have it. So are your never-ending devastating shits due to the cyclospora cayetanensis parasite, or the fact that you've been living off a strict diet of fast food and 8% IPA's for the last 6 months? Only a stool sample can tell.
By the way, Sergio Garcia, in case you're reading this (big time Stoolie that Sergio is), maybe you should consider getting checked out. Maybe it wasn't just the "dodgy" lunchtime lasagna (which is a bit of a wild mid-golf meal) that's to blame for not qualifying for The Open for the 3rd time in 4 years.
Bunkered – I only ate the lasagne. I thought maybe have a little pasta and stuff, but for some reason it didn’t sit well with me and I just felt nauseous the whole front nine. In the afternoon, I felt like I was going to vomit pretty much on every hole." - Sergio Garcia
Unfortunately, they say there's no evidence that the virus can be passed from person to person. Which I suppose is a good thing for public health. But bad new for anyone who wants to play the "I might have a dangerous virus I have to go home" card every time you have a bad shit at work.
Stay safe people. The explosive diarrhea parasite is running RAMPANT out there. You'd hate to find yourself in a month long state of "one hour after eating Indian food".