Michael Is Bland Hero Worship & Other Reviews

LUIS GANDARILLAS. Shutterstock Images.

The biggest release this week (and maybe all month) is the Michael Jackson biopic. It's projected to make $150 million in the international box office this weekend alone. I have a mini-review of Michael below as well as Lee Cronin's The Mummy, Balls Up, You, Me & Tuscany and the new Lorne Michaels documentary.

Michael is a combination of hero worship mixed with Michael Jackson hits. Biopics usually don’t work because it’s trying to jam many years into a 120 minute movie. Here, it adds to that difficultly by making this Michael more of an angel than the John Travolta version of Michael.

On the other hand is Colman Domingo’s Joe Jackson. The Jackson 5 patriarch is such a one-dimensional villain that you expect him to start twirling his mustache. Most of this movie just feels like a cartoon.

All that being said. Jafaar Jackson is fantastic as Michael. He nails so much of the dance moves and does a nice job acting with a script that gives him nothing. This all takes place before the allegations but the movie constantly showcasing Jackson’s love for child-like things just came off as disturbing and weird.

This is a miss for me. You can get the best parts of this movie staying home and watching old Michael Jackson videos on YouTube.

Michael: C-

I don’t think I want to spend anymore time with Lee Cronin after seeing Lee Cronin’s The Mummy. This doesn’t know if wants to be horror, drama or a comedy. It fails on all three. It also feels like more of a store brand Exorcist than a Mummy movie.

Despite all of that, this isn’t a terrible movie. Cronin does a good job getting decent performances out of his actors. It also looked solid. This feels like something that care went into.

But, it’s all just hollow and kind of upsetting. I don’t do well with violence and kids and this has that. I just felt really bad for this family. I was more depressed than entertained.

Lee Cronin's The Mummy: C

Balls Up is a lazy piece of shit. I’ve seen people say it tells outdated jokes. I don’t think that’s even true. These jokes would have sucked in 2006 or 1994. 

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Why is Mark Wahlberg doing movies like this? Why are streaming comedies so horrible? I spent a good portion of this movie daydreaming about when Peter Farrelly made elite comedies like Dumb & Dumber, Kingpin and There’s Something About Mary.

Is it better to live in a world without laughter if it means not having to endure “comedies” like this? Maybe not but by the end of this, that answer was closer than I had feared.

Balls Up: F

You, Me & Tuscany hits all the plot points (and stale cliches) of a rom-com but without much charm. Halle Bailey seems nice but this doesn’t give you anything else. 

I don’t typically like rom-coms. My favorite things about movies are the stories and rom-coms are all generally the same plot. If the leads are great or the supporting characters interesting, maybe it can work. Solo Mio (another 2026 rom-com set in Italy) was unique and funny enough that it did work. This doesn’t.

One positive here is the great shots of Tuscany. There are some breathtaking locales and it does add the desperate level of depth this needs.

One final note: shame on the marketing team here. The trailer gives everything away. It’s a rom-com so it’s not shocking but you can’t show the last 3 minutes all over the trailer. Stop doing shit like that.

You, Me & Tuscany: C-

As someone who is very interested in the history of SNL, Lorne is almost made for me. I just wish a documentary about Lorne Michaels could have told us more about Lorne Michaels.

For reasons that I completely understand, his family and domestic life were totally off-limits for this. But it’s hard to get a real look at who this guy is when you only see him at work.

Having said that, this is constantly interesting and entertaining. While you don’t get as much Lorne as I’d like, having the funniest people in world sit around a table and tell stories about him is pretty great.

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Just seeing the office of one of the most important people in modern show business is pretty great. What an amazing life. We’re lucky that he’s still around to tell his story even if it’s massively abridged.

Lorne: B+

2026

1. Project Hail Mary

2. 28 Years Later:Bone Temple

3. Send Help

4. Crime 101

5. Nirvanna The Band

6. The Drama

7. LORNE

8. How To Make A Killing

9. Primate

10. Cold Storage

11. Hoppers

12. Ready Or Not 2

13. Undertone

14. Solo Mio

15. Faces Of Death

16. The Moment

17. Scream 7

18. Normal

19. Midwinter Break

20. The Rip

21. I Was A Stranger

22. We Bury The Dead

23. Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die

24. Epic

25. LEE CRONIN'S THE MUMMY

26. Forbidden Fruits

27. The Wrecking Crew

28. Goat

29. Dracula

30. Wuthering Heights

31. Whistle

32. The Bride

33. They Will Kill You

34. Super Mario 2

35. MICHAEL

36. Greenland 2

37. Reminders Of Him

38. Shelter

39. YOU, ME & TUSCANY

40. Iron Lung

41. I Can Only Imagine 2

42. The Pout Pout Fish

43. Mike & Nick & Nick & Alice

44. Melania

45. A Great Awakening

46. Psycho Killer

47. Mercy

48. Charlie The Wonderdog

49. Protector

50. BALLS UP

51. The Strangers 3

52. Return To Silent Hill