UPDATE: Paige Spiranac Has Shared Some Sad News About Her World-renowned "Nice Cans"

Devlin4/01/2026 8:15 PM

Folks it's a sad day, it's a bad day. Hell hath frozen over. The Internet has finally ruined one of the best things we had going for us. WAY TO GO GUYS!

Of course I'm talking about our dear friend Paige Spiranac and her "great cans".

I would give a shout out to that bro but when the world needed him most... He vanished. And now only a few weeks later, that lack of spirit lifting has finally infiltrated Paige's soul.

And she just announced she's retiring the Big Guns. Permanently.

Press F to pay respects doesn't even begin to describe it.

"With all this discourse online around “nice cans” I’ve had some time to reflect. After much thought and consideration I’ve decided it’s time to start taking myself more seriously. I’ve invested in a whole new golf wardrobe. I will only be wearing collared shirts from this day forward. Thank you for supporting me through this difficult transition in my life."

Definitely not the news I expected to see when waking up this morning. Hard to swallow.

But as they say, God bears his biggest burdens to those who can shoulder the load. So in that spirit, let's give our gal Paige a 21 gun salute fit for a true American hero.

It was a helluva run that we will NEVER forget. Choose love.

Truly the worst news I've heard since learning Bonnie Blue faked her entire pregnancy. What the hell am I gonna do to farm pageviews for the rest of the year?

After all, "Great cans" like these don't exactly grow on trees.

Aw DAMN.

RIPIP. We hardly knew thee. Have a great week everybody.

Hold your loved ones close tonight. You never know when life will go tits up out there.

Giphy Images.

UPDATE: wait a second… could it be… BAH GAWD THAT'S BIG BOOBIE MUSIC!!!

WOW. That was a fucking close call. Generally I'm totally against April Fools Jokes of any kind, but credit where its due that was a pretty good one. Albeit, incredibly terrifying.

Well played Paige! Touché.

Just NEVER scare us again like that. Thank you in advance. F.