'Barbie Dream Fest' Joins Fyre Fest and the Willie Wonka Experience in the Ranks of All Time Sad, Pathetic Tourist Ripoffs

You might have thought that after the Fyre Fests documentaries came out and spent some time as the most talked-about pop culture phenomenon in America, that generally speaking people would be a little more cautious when it comes to spending money chasing "experiences." That Caveat Emptor would be the order of the day and the public would be less prone to getting played for suckers. Especially after what poor, hapless Fyre Fest events producer Andy King was willing to do to take one for the team.

Giphy Images.

I kind of felt like we all owed it to him to be a little more careful with our disposable income and go through life with a lot more healthy cynicism. But no. All we've done since is prove PT Barnum was right when he said, "There's a sucker born every minute." And I don't just mean Andy King.

That fiasco was followed up in short order by this:

And this:

Advertisement

And now, joining the mighty ranks of these Hall of Fame tourist scams, we have this latest swindle separating naive saps from their meager savings:

NY Post -  It seemed to be more of a nightmare than a dream.

Barbie fans were left utterly disappointed after experiencing what was supposed to be a fun-filled, glittery weekend full of immersive attractions and themed installations at the Barbie Dream Fest festival in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. …

Dream Fest ticketholders were anything but impressed by the mediocre three-day event held in Broward County Convention Center this past weekend. 

The event, which was created by Mischief Management who licensed the Barbie brand, had the nerve to charge Barbie fans $72 for a single-day pass and up to $452.50 for VIP ticket holders, which included a lame “swag bag” that consisted of a measly plastic hairbrush and hand sanitizer that one attendee criticized in a Reddit forum: “Not even touch land. Dollar store brand. Jeez.”

Pictures and videos posted online by displeased attendees showed flimsy set designs and activations, like a sad-looking “Roller Disco” rink and bicycle course that no one should partake in, even for free. …

“Flabbergasted, I went to guest services and I just asked, ‘I’m sorry, is this it? The lady looked disappointed and said ‘Yeah, we’ve gotten that question a lot. But as far as vendors are concerned, this is it’ I was defeated,” the Reddit user wrote.

The honest post was filled with over 200 comments from other ticket-goers who felt the same way.

“This is awful. It’s like they didn’t even try to sell booths / get vendors. Who the h–l was in charge of this? …

In response to the event’s negative feedback, a Mischief Management spokesperson told The Post, “Mischief Management is incredibly grateful to everyone who joined Barbie Dream Fest. We appreciate the passion and engagement from the Barbie community. Bringing fans together — alongside Barbie role models, designers, partners, and global icons who embody the true spirit of Barbie — was at the heart of this event. Barbie Dream Fest was created as an intimate fan convention designed to foster meaningful connection, inspiration, and closer access to Barbie and her world. We will be providing full refunds to everyone who purchased tickets.”

Who the hell was in charge? Who's responsible? Who exactly is to blame? Good luck finding out who exactly fleeced you gullible patsies. But I suggest you start your search in the bathroom mirror.

When are people going to figure out everything is a scam? How many times do the kinds of (I'm using the term loosely) grown adults who think a Barbie Fest in a convention center is going to give them return on their 72 bucks have to keep falling for this kind of 3-Card Monte grift and just keep walking? What will it take before they figure out that anything that bills itself as "a fest" is not going to be the least bit festive? No one slaps a cardboard house facade and backs a pink VW Microbus into a conventional hall to give you "an experience." They do it to separate your simpleton mind from your money, period. Anyone willing to cough up $452.50 for the VIP package isn't Very Important, barely qualifies as a Person, and doesn't deserve to have $452.50.  

Advertisement

Like I said when I posted about that Bluey promotion, the last time I allowed myself to get taken in by one of these cons was when my sons were little. It as at a hot air balloon festival at the abandoned Naval Air Station in my ancestral homeland of South Weymouth, MA. We got up in the predawn hours to see the dozens of balloons that were promised. One went up. Possible 40 feet in the air (I gauge heights by comparing them to the 37-foot Green Monster.) It drifted less than 100 yards before returning safely to earth. And that was it. No others left the ground. No announcement was made. They just left a few hundred families standing their like the saps we were. With nothing to do but try and salvage the day by taking our exhausted, sleep-deprived young'uns to the typical carnival midway that seem to attach themselves to every event that promise "Family Fun" like a cancerous tumor. With the rides assembled and operated by the same intellectually vacant, morally bankrupt homunculi who make up Carney subculture. 

More recently, I made the mistake of trying to go out to a local breakfast place on a Monday holiday, only to walk into a scene of utter chaos. What a riot would look like if the child laborers in a Dickensian workhouse rose up against their Masters. In the 10 seconds it took me to flee for my life, and some bacon and eggs, I found out the cause of the ruckus was an appearance by K-Pop Demon Hunters. Which is to say, the chance to wait in line to get your kids' photos taken with a couple of college-aged girls who most definitely didn't look like anyone from a K-Pop band. And whose vaguely Demon Hunter costumes were of cheap, Spirit Halloween quality. And the photos were being taken in front of a backdrop that looked like a poster from the movie they had blown up at a Kinkos. But to everyone's credit, no one was being charged 72 buck for this non-pleasure. The moms just bought coffees and stared at their phones while their children seemed to be doing their level best to act like this wasn't sad and disappointing. Which it most certainly was. 

So the next time you hear someone selling tickets to something that promises to transport you and your kids to a magical dreamworld of wonder and fantasy, watch that Barbie Fest video again. Or better yet, read the answer those organizers gave to the NY Post. Does it sound for one hot second like they regret running this scam? That they have an ounce of shame or remorse? Every word of that sanctimonous blather about passion and engagement says they feel as bad about it as a pickpocket does about grabbing your wallet. If I was stupid enough to have found myself getting taken in by frauds like that, I'd want them to keep my money, just to teach me a lesson. 

Now, we just wait for the next one of these. It's only a matter of time.