Oh No...Short Kings In MLB Can't Lie About Their Height Anymore Because Of The New ABS System

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"Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't going away." 

-Elvis Presley 

Unfortunately, the truth has caught up to all the majors leaguers who are under 6 feet tall today. With the advent of MLB's new ABS Challenge System, every player is mandated to have their height measured to the highest scrutiny. No more sympathy inches being tacked on just to make somebody's player bio look better. Each and every person has to follow the same, strict rules while being measured, which is already airing out the lies spread by some of MLB's shorter athletes in recent years. 

Joe Pompliano pointed out a few of the rules for measuring above. The full list is as follows:

-Players can't wear shoes

-They can't wear hats

-Their knees can't be exposed

-Their heels must be together

-They must keep their back against the wall

-They can't slouch

-They need to be measured between 10 AM and noon local on their appointed day 

The precision that's going into this is a bit crazy, but I definitely see why MLB is being so stingy about it. They need to properly formulate each person's strike zone, and as we've already seen in Spring Training, some of these challenges come down to millimeters. We gotta be as accurate as possible with the measurements. 

It just sucks, though. First we had Diego Pavia being exposed at the Senior Bowl for his height. Now an entire avalanche of MLB players are about to experience the same fate. My heart goes out to all of them. 

If there's one silver lining to all this, it's that the dating apps haven't employed an ABS system yet. So many men would be fucked if they did. But for now, keep on lying, short kings. You're 6-foot in my book.