Boom Roasted – Houston Texans Beat Reporter Aaron Wilson Thinks "Dixon Mayaz" Would Fit Nicely

Ha. Got his ass. There aren't a lot of big name tight ends anymore, but Dixon Mayaz would surely fit in. Dixon Mayaz is definitely swarm. I like how Aaron Wilson has taken the Houston Texans mantra of "swarm", and turned it into an... adjective? I think? Sorry, I'm embarrassingly bad with... words. But when I hear an NFL beat reporter refer to a player as "definitely swarm"... it kinda makes me laugh. 

Poor Aaron Wilson. You know this guy takes his job so fucking seriously. This is the biggest, most important week of his year. You know this mistake is killing him. The Aaron Wilson's of the world don't wear mistakes like that the way Brandon Walker did when he got, got on 'The Brandon Walker  College Football Call-In Show - Only on Sling TV' (RIP).

And you know what kills Aaron Wilson the most? It isn't the fact that he said dicks would fit nicely in his ass. It's that he was caught acknowledging a fake player. Which in reality, nobody cares about. I know Aaron Wilson prides himself as a professional. I'm sure he fancies himself a preeminent knower of all things ball. I understand this week is his Super Bowl. But none of what he does really matters that much anyways. Beat reporters no longer provide the value they used to. All the information that used to only be available to them can now be found in two clicks on the internet. Information isn't at a premium like it was 20 years ago.

But because the job of an NFL beat reporter is slowly becoming obsolete, guys like Aaron Wilson have to grind even harder to prove their worth. I bet poor Aaron Wilson hasn't slept in days. I bet he's been up in the wee hours of the night reading name after name after name, trying to familiarize himself with every little trade... every little draft prospect... to the point that all the different Jalen's and Jaylen's and Kaydn's and Kayden's and D'Brickashaw's start to blend together. And because the sleep deprived Aaron Wilson wants to go above and beyond, and wants to keep up with the times, he goes live on Instagram to interact with the chat... where @terrystotts7872 says "hey aaron what do you think about LSU's RT Dixon Mayaz? i really think he fits our culture"

At that point, all Aaron Wilson wants to do is get some shut eye. He just wants to get this stupid fucking Instagram live stream over with. So he says, "Yeah man. Dixon Mayaz is great. I would love Dixon Mayaz. I think Dixon Mayaz would be swarm as hell."

Egg on his face. Now Aaron Wilson is going viral as the butt of the joke. Now Aaron Wilson, who probably used to laugh his ass off when Bart Simpson would call into Moe's Tavern and ask for Seymour Butts, has turned into the real life version of Moe Szyslak himself.

Just tweet through it, Aaron. Keep on plowing forward. Matt Gay just signed a 1-year $1.6M, $1.35M gtd, $200K signing bonus, salary $1.4M ($1.15M fully gtd), up to $650K field goal percent incentive, Max APY: $2.25M with the Las Vegas Raiders. Focus on the important things like that. And maybe take a break from live streams. Take a nap instead.