Dumping Them Out – Winter Olympics Controversy
Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. Happy day after Valentine's Day. Happy mid-way point of the Winter Olympics. Yada yada yada. Intro paragraph over.
I love the Olympics. I love everything about them. I love that I can wake up at 6am on a Tuesday and there's some event happening live in Italy that I don't really know the rules to but looks kinda fun regardless.
I love all the dumb little stuff that makes me laugh like a skeleton athlete named Dan Barefoot.
How does an American landscape architect like Dan Barefoot even get into the sport of skeleton? I looked it up, and guess how many real Olympic sized skeleton/luge tracks there are total in the United States? It's two. There's two of them. One in Lake Placid and another in Park City, Utah. I could have been the best skeleton and luger in the world, and there's not a chance in hell I'd have ever realized it.
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I love the random "Chinese" snowboarder Eileen Gu, who I'm pretty sure is actually an American, and allegedly for the price of $23M chose to ski for China. She sent people who could not possibly give less of a shit about snowboarding into a patriotic fury.
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"There is no price high enough to betray your country" – Yes, yes there is. Not to like… become a terrorist. Or to do something that actually matters and has real world consequences. But to do some spins on a pair of skis with a Chinese flag on my coat? Yes, $23M (as opposed to the $4M her American counterpart Chloe Kim is earning) greatly exceeds the cost of my freestyle skiing loyalty. I will ski Chinese for much less than $23M.
And I really love how for some fucking reason the Canadian curling team cannot stop fingering their rocks post-release. They're so infamous for it that the Swedish curling team set up a sting operation to catch them red-handed. Sorry if the following videos get taken down, but if you search "Canada cheating their asses off in curling" you'll get plenty of results.
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Somehow that incredibly light tip-of-the-finger touch following the release must help the shot, because the Canadians were willing to risk it all for it. But I can't for the life of me figure out how.
So much happened this week, I almost completely forgot about the ski jumpers injecting hyaluronic acid into their dicks to improve their hang-time.
Dudes rock. Hard. Of course this begs the question, if having a bulge in your pants improves your jump… if an Olympic ski jumper didn't feel comfortable filling his penis with acid, couldn't he just get a boner before every jump instead? That's the only surefire way I've ever known to increase my dick size. Instead of pumping their dicks full of chemicals, they should just read an episode of Dumping Them Out before each run.
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And on top of all the controversy, and all events I will forget ever happened by this time next week, sprinkle in a bit of hockey featuring the best players in the world. It's a hockey tournament where you get the perfect mix of competitive matchups, and games where teams of freaks like Canada put on a hockey masterclass and put up 10 goals on poor stinky France. Sometimes you'll get underdog like Italy taking Sweden down to wire. Sometimes the United States will do this.
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The Olympics are a delightful two-week stretch of sports. If it wasn't for the Winter Olympics happening this weekend, I may have been forced to blog yet again about NBA All-Star Weekend. Yuck. Although to be fair, I did appreciate this clip of Jokic at a press conference realizing that the reporter asking him a question was Demarcus Cousins.
If not for the Olympics, I'd have been forced to bring more attention to my beloved Indiana Hoosiers baseball team who lost to North Carolina yesterday on what some might call the worst throw a second baseman has ever made.
Or I'd have to fill up some space in this blog by going into greater detail regarding the Australian race car driver who smoked kangaroo at 155 mph in the middle of a race.
But since the Olympics are happening, I was able to avoid all that. Thank you Olympics.
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