Dave Portnoy's Impressive Athleticism Has Been Going Viral And Took Over Super Bowl Week

Run Pageviews RUN! Listen, they gotta go ahead and place a study on Dave's brain when it's all said and done. Unless you live under a rock, you know about the nationally televised Poop Race between him and JMU lineman Andrew Taddeo. It all started when Dave made fun of him for running like he has poop in his pants in the College Football Playoff:

And while it may look like he's not an athletic beast, his highlight tape from the Barstool Bowl says otherwise. Anyway, Dave cheated gave himself a 20 yard headstart in a 40 yard dash because he was faking nursing an injury and knew he would have trouble running the full length. Like any great businessman, he offered Taddeo a $25,000 prize if he could beat him after allowing the head start. Taddeo might need to read up on the Dave Portnoy School Of Business because this was a sucker's bet waiting to happen, and he fell right for the trap.

Anyway, the race, while uninspiring to any kid who hopes to be a hundred millionaire one day and retain a little bit of athletic ability, is going viral for Dave's running stance. Let's take a look at some of the viral replies making fun of Davey:

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There's thousands of more responses like this and for some reason, Davey Pageviews wins again. The only thing that fella cares about is going viral at any cost, and by god, he's done it. He's just taking victory laps on Twitter now:

Must be nice. Anyway, hopefully this incredible show of athleticism helps propel the Patriots to their checks notes 7th title this weekend. In the meantime, I'm going to rewatch this clip a few more times and try to figure out a viral quote tweet I can do to steal some of that glitter myself.