Don't Let This California Snowboarder Falling Off a Chair Lift and Completely Missing The Rescue Net Bully You Into Using The Safety Bar
Do not let the PSA smack dab in the middle of that video dissuade you. If you're going to pull down the safety bar, you might as well hit the slopes wearing a 30" x 30" sign on your back that reads, "I'm the biggest fucking shoobie out here."
Just picture this. You and the boys are out on the mountain in Mammoth Lakes, California to celebrate your big divorce. It's the day after a big snow, and the weather is pristine. The sun is shining. The winds are calm. It's an ideal 30° F. You've got a healthy morning buzz thanks to 5 or 6 breakfast mimosas. Your bitch ex-wife is nowhere to be found.
As your crew waits for the chair lift, you lock eyes with a young woman in the singles line. Based on her braided blonde hair, her Oakley Prizm snow goggles, the way she's color coordinated her outfit with her snowboard, and the 3-inches of her face that are clearly visible, it's apparent that she is the hottest, coolest woman you've ever seen. It's love at first sight. And as luck would have it, when you and your buddies make it to the front of the chair lift line, she joins your group as a single rider. She sits right next to you. But before you can pull out your flask of Fireball + marijuana cigarette to show your new girlfriend that you're the cool type of snowboarder, your bitch ass skier friend pulls down the safety bar.
You can actually hear her panties shrivel up through multiple layers of snow gear as she comes to realize your crew is safety conscious. No amount of weed and Fireball will save you now. Before you're even able to ridicule your friend with some trendy anti-skier slang you found on Reddit, the love of your life is already faking a phone call with her boyfriend. Relationship over. You never even learned her name. You won't fall in love again until you reach the top of the mountain and see the next blonde girl on a snowboard.
Sorry, I'm talking out my ass. I'm going skiing (not snowboarding) in Colorado at the end of this month, and I'm going to use the safety bar so hard. It's a long ride up the mountain. If you don't pull down the safety bar, you don't get the leg rest to set your heavy skis on. Pulling down the safety bar makes for a far more comfortable ride. And it can be a long drop from ski lift to ground. If I'm going to die on the slopes, I'm going to do it Sonny Bono style. By bombing down an intermediate slope and losing control into a pine tree.
At least the person in that clip who fell off the chair lift did so in a very Looney Tunes way. Apparently this in-distress snowboarder wasn't stranded high enough on the lift for Mammoth Mountain to send out their A-team. Even if that rescue team had time to get their net in proper position, how much are they really breaking that fall? That's maybe an 8' x 8' net with a not-very-thick gym mat underneath. Maybe I'm underestimating the power of the net. But if I were hanging from a chair lift, and that's what the rescue team brought to save me, I wouldn't feel especially confident. I'd much prefer to fall on something inflatable. If owned a mountain, I'd have two or three rescue bouncy castles ready to go at all times.