BREAKING: Resident Rat Bastard Punxsutawney Phil Sentences Us To 6 More Weeks Of Winter

Full video for the real sickos that wanna see a bunch of local Punxsutawnians get weird during the early hours of Groundhog Day:

Giphy Images.

With the world on fire and the United States frozen solid, our nation turned its lonely eyes to Pennsylvania's Punxsutawney Phil to fill up our hearts with hope. Instead, that furry fuckface came up in the clutch the same way Pennsylvania's NFL offenses did, which is to say as short as Phil's pecker. 

So here we are stuck with another six weeks of single digit temps, bomb cyclone predictions, and general malaise until we can even get to a 40 degree day, which as fellow northeastern weather soothsayer Russell “Stringer” Bell once told us nobody gives a fuck about.

Fuck you Phil.