Bald Wemby Has Arrived In The NBA Which Can Only Mean That Complete And Total Destruction Is On The Horizon

G Fiume. Getty Images.

In the NBA, there are simply some things that exist that make no sense at all, yet at the same time make all the sense in the world. I know, that sounds confusing to anyone with a normal functioning brain, but it's the truth. 

Remember last year after the Olympics, when Nikola Jokic was the most dominant force on earth? He's always been awesome, but this was a different level, which was obviously due to his decision to rock a goatee

Ahead of that season, I wrote this blog

and guess what happened? Nikola Jokic had one of the greatest individual seasons in NBA history in 2024-25. The rest of the NBA was, in fact, very much not ready to handle Goatee Nikola Jokic.

Fast forward to now, and we have another extremely significant development in the NBA, this time involving another generational big man. 

Wemby has brought back his bald head.

The last time we saw this from Wemby was when he was training in the offseason with monks out in China

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and given how awesome his 2025-26 season has looked, my guess is that it's no accident.

What we've never had is Bald Wemby during the actual season, and frankly, I cannot stress what a big development this is. As someone who has watched this move legitimately change everything about the talent and play of Derrick White, I am certain we're about to get a version of Wemby that seems even more unbelievable than what we currently have, which feels both exciting and terrifying at the same time.

And I get it, you may think this is stupid. 

Wrong. 

I'll point you to Derrick White's career

Derrick White w/ hair: 345 games / 11.7 points / 3.4 rebounds / 3.8 assists / 44% FG% / 35% 3PA on just 4.0 3PA

Bald Derrick White: 187 games / 16.4 points / 4.4 rebounds / 5.0 assists / 43% FG% / 37% 3PA on 8.3 3PA

Coincidence? Sure, if you aren't paying attention. Any Celts fan will tell you, Derrick White didn't truly become this version of DERRICK WHITE until he went bald. Now, he's arguably the best two-way guard in the NBA. He has reached a level as a player that does not happen if he doesn't go bald. Don't look for a rational explanation, just accept this reality. Going bald turned Derrick White into an All Star caliber player. Fact.

So if that's true for him, what do we think is now possible with Bald Wemby? When the version with hair was already doing this?

I'm not sure we can even comprehend what that might look like at this point. For some reason, this shit matters in the NBA. It shouldn't, but it does. Given how competitive the West is right now and the fact that the Spurs are in a little bit of a mini funk at the moment, I LOVE this move. Not only is it a great team chemistry moment for Wemby and Keldon Johnson, but it's also about to unlock something we've never seen before from a player who was routinely already doing shit we've never seen before. 

I also find the timing interesting, seeing as how the Spurs are about to play both the Wolves and Rockets in the next 5 days. If you're going to unlock the power of going bald, you may as well do it at a time when you're about to face two challengers in the West. I feel like following the OKC loss Wemby said enough is enough and decided it was time to play this card, something he clearly obtained over the summer. 

So just like I tried to do with Goatee Jokic, I'm just warning you now. The Power Of Going Bald is not to be overlooked, especially when the player who does it is already a basketball demigod.