I Promise You Are Not Prepared for the Atrocity That Is the Song 'Sexistential' by Someone Named Robyn

There are entire other worlds out there.

This is Robyn, an artist with 5 million monthly listeners on Spotify. I would love to speak with some of those 5 million people and ask them what they find enjoyable about this woman's music — if we're going to be liberal with our terminology — because this was my introduction to Robyn and I can't believe she makes money doing this.

This is the worst song I've ever heard in my life. Each second is somehow less tolerable than the last. If Colbert's show hadn't already been canceled, it should have been after putting this on the air.

Though, to be fair, we were missing some key elements of the song that couldn't be played on network TV. So maybe once we read those, the song will improve.

Ah, somehow actually much worse.

Listen, I'm a pure market capitalist. Congrats to Robyn for being able to make a living doing this. There's truly something out there for everyone, it seems.