You Don't Realize How Toxic Your Family Is Until You Go To Another Family's Thanksgiving

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You don’t realize how fucking nuts your family is until you spend Thanksgiving with a normal family. I love my family to death, wouldn’t trade them for the world, but after what I witnessed this past Saturday, I can confidently say they’re 100% responsible for my trauma.

I was headed back to Chicago after spending the holiday with them when thirty minutes before landing my flight got diverted to Indiana. Perfect. So I was stuck in a random airport, dropped a clean $100 on beers and bar food, watched the entire Ohio State vs. Michigan game, and felt my patience slowly disintegrate. The reality of ending up in some motel in Indiana started creeping in…absolutely not the manifestation I wanted.

Then I remembered, “Wait… I think my boy’s still here for Thanksgiving.” I called him. He picked up and immediately goes, “Get your ass over here, Smokes, we’re having Thanksgiving.” Say less. I grabbed my bag and dipped.

I walked into his house and instantly got hit with warm hugs, big smiles, and “we’re so happy you’re here!” It was… nice. Like, suspiciously nice. Nice in a way where I genuinely started wondering if I was about to get Get Out-ed.

And as the night went on, I only got more confused. This house was full of family members who were laughing, playing games, enjoying each other’s company. Nobody was beefing. Nobody was taking subtle jabs that slowly escalated into a blowout. Nobody pulled me aside to whisper the list of “things we don’t bring up around your aunt.” I kept waiting for the chaos. I was convinced I was being pranked.

The closest thing to a fight was two little kids arguing over who yelled “bingo” first and even that got resolved peacefully. PEACEFULLY. I had never in my life seen a Thanksgiving like that. I genuinely thought screaming and kicking were just part of the holiday tradition.

Turns out… they’re not.

Look, I don’t resent my family. I love them and all the chaos, screaming, and emotional trauma that comes with them. But let’s call it what it is, I grew up in a fucking war zone.

PS: This is clean though.