A New Article Says Dan Snyder "Fucking Hates" the Commanders Success And Is "In denial", "Sad" and "Devastated"
All quotes from the ESPN article
If that isn't the greatest piece of literature ever written, I don't know what is. This morning, ESPN dropped an article so riddled with details about how depressed Dan Snyder currently is I now have to see a doctor about my never-ending erection. The article talks about how he threw a hissy fit and tried to cancel the sale at the last minute, how owning the team was a childhood dream of his that he ruined, how his legacy is being the worst owner in NFL history, and how sad and devastating it is to watch the team succeed without him. All in all, it's the best thing I've read in my life.
Some of my favorite parts:
The hissy fit he threw when they planned a rally celebrating the sale:
"I don't want to do this," Snyder told a confidant.
A rally celebrating Harris' ownership group was scheduled for later that day at the since-renamed FedEx Field.
But as 1 a.m. became 2 a.m., Snyder was refusing to hand over the stadium keys.
"I don't care!" Snyder said, according to sources with direct knowledge of what transpired in those hours. "It would be trespassing if anyone goes there. It's still mine!"
The imagery of Lil' Dan Dan stomping his feet throwing a temper tantrum is too perfect.
Snyder had been pressured into the sale by fellow owners who roundly hated him and league executives eager to see the franchise returned to its former glory -- and profitability. Former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue recently told confidants that Snyder is "the worst owner in the history of the National Football League."
Tagliabue from the clouds!!!!!!
And of course:
What's it like for Snyder, for years the most hated owner in sports, to watch the Commanders succeed without him?
"He f---ing hates it," Snyder's dinner companion told the colleague.
During his tenure from hell, I probably wrote more words about how terrible Snyder was than anyone else on the internet. After our win vs Atlanta, I tweeted
And a good amount of replies said nah, he doesn't care, he's on a mega-yacht with his billions and billions of dollars. But turns out, the Commanders are the thing he loved the most, he failed at owning them, got exiled from the league, tore apart his family, and is considered the worst owner in NFL history. Just goes to show all the billions in the universe can't buy you happiness, but being a piece of shit of a human can bring you more sadness than you can imagine.
I gotta say, I feel zero shame celebrating Dan Snyder's misery. He brought so much pain and agony, darkness and sadness to so many people. He had allegations on top of allegations on top of allegations which resulted in him paying a $60 million fine for harassment, a toxic work environment, and lying about revenue to the NFL. Dan Snyder is a human who deserves every bad thing that happens to him. And honestly, it makes me feel good that despite his extreme wealth, he will never be able to shake the feeling of how he failed at owning the team he loved the most. That every night when he closes his eyes, he has to remember he was forced to sell the Commanders, he is hated by every single fan the team ever had, and he will never get another chance to live his dream ever again. Fuck Dan Snyder forever.
PS: If you don't think he's already looking into suing ESPN over this article you're nuts. I'd say -1500 he files some sort of suit for defamation or some shit. Fucking loser.