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Apparently Elon Musk Is Interested In Buying MSNBC From Comcast And That's Awesome

I hate to tap into the Elon train so selfishly on a Friday afternoon but the data says people want Elon news. So let me give it to you straight. 

MSNBC is for sale because it sucks, objectively. Otherwise Comcast wouldn't be selling it. 

Stay with me guys because this might sound political but it's not really. 

Don Junior immediately brought it to Elon's attention to which Elon is now wondering how much MSNBC costs. This all brings us to the following observations: 

- Elon's cost-sensitivity is so much lower than your traditional run of the mill billionaire. I saw someone the other day describe him as an action-based capitalist. Or some goofy shit that just meant he's willing to pay a lot more for something that is aligned with his long-term value. Honestly the guy has been so accurate so many times that maybe we just need to rethink traditional measures but I digress. Point is that money is really no object. 

- I still think Elon is too dorky for me to accept him as a cool guy. Or basically anything less than a Little Too Weird. I imagine hanging out with him largely consists of listening to his unrelenting pontifications with measurable interest while a tribe of Romani elders massage triple-rendered grass-fed beef tallow into your brow. Or something like that. Some kind of bizarrely-exotic experience sandwiched around awkward social interactions. 

Tomorrow we hunt Pygmies

- Do people still watch MSNBC or regular television like that in general? I feel like that's more suited for the lobby of a Hampton Inn where they do the continental up against the wall. Or an American Airlines airport terminal. Or the kitchen of a mid market law firm in a greater Milwaukee satellite office. Basically a place where people want to be taken more seriously than common sense dictates. That's MSNBC to me and I think those days are dying under the crushing wave of humane self-realization. Nobody cares what these people have to say.

- I still can't decide if twitter is better or worse under Elon's leadership. The vibe is notably different. The functionality improved drastically but the tone is so ramped up towards angst like you just got fuckin ransacked on a Hollywood roulette table. Part of me thinks that's a good thing because I like a little salt on the social media experience. But then another side of me wishes it was still just a place for aggressive jokes and watch-along communities. Now it's just a lot of college football fans talking about strength of schedule and former military personnel talking immigration reform. Or something like that. Either way, I think it's changing appropriately given the collective shift towards red pill values. In that case then Elon has definitely improved twitter. 

- On the other hand, we're so far away from Ray Allen munching clit. While outrageous, those were simpler times. Those were better times.

- Anyways here's the following channels I would like to see Elon buy before MSNBC 

1.  HGTV and make it a 50/50 split between house hunters and house hunters international. Trim the fat on almost all the renovation content and focus more on the destination/market 

2. ESPN Classic but make it an old school ESPN channel where you run one sportscenter in the morning with a couple of solid afternoon programming. Nothing too fucking lame here and absolutely no broads doing film study ever. 

3. ESPN2 and then go heavy fishing content early morning on the weekends. Those are the best shows. Nothing like a small mouth bass chase at 6am while you're on the couch in your underpants sniffing farts.

4. Ron Jaworski gets his own show on any channel he wants. 

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5. VH1 fully restored to it's mid 90's glory. Don't bother me with MTV developments until I get VH1 back where it belongs doing pop up videos. 

6. Probably make comedy central funny again but who knows how much work that would take. I suppose broadcasting more stand up would be a good step in the right direction. Either way, huge opportunity to make a funny channel 

7. Lastly - I think AMC needs a spinoff channel called SHAWSHANK that only runs movies that Shawshank you. A lot of which already run on AMC but just make it a dedicated movie channel with full commercials because sometimes it's good to watch a movie with commercials so you have breaks to perform tasks around the house. Like changing laundry but I digress. Point is get a good channel full of True Lies and Forrest Gump and SAW and let it rip. 

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What channels would you buy if you had unlimited money?